


Nothing Can Stop Us Now

by Tash_ka



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex/Eliza kinda in the background, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Fluff, Multi, Slow Burn, like century of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:17:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6885166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tash_ka/pseuds/Tash_ka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alexander woke up his whole body was hurting. He was feeling sluggish and hot all over, like he had a fever. There was an unpleasant prickling underneath his skin, as if something was trying to crawl out of him. He tried to open his eyes, but closed them instantly, the bright light of the day sending shockwaves of pain through his skull. Everything was too bright, too loud, all his senses were on overload and it was unbearable.</p>
<p>Or the one where John, Alex and Lafayette are vampires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is my first fic in like ten years and first ever in English, but I just needed to write something for this pairing. 
> 
> English isn't my first language and I don't even speak French, so I'm sorry for the mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you like it.

When Alexander woke up his whole body was hurting . He was feeling sluggish and hot all over, like he had a fever. There was an unpleasant prickling underneath his skin, as if something was trying to crawl out of him. He tried to open his eyes, but closed them instantly, the bright light of the day sending shockwaves of pain through his skull. Everything was too bright, too loud, all his senses were on overload and it was unbearable. He tried to move one of his hands, eyes still closed, but another jolt of pain went through him, wrenching scream out of his lungs. He immediately winced at the sound, his ears too sensitive. 

 

After a while the initial panic started to gradually subside. Alex willed himself to stop concentrating on pain and instead tried to focus on breathing slowly and deeply, forcing air through the burn in his lungs and his aching body. He was finally calm enough to think about his surroundings. Even without opening his eyes he was sure that he was somewhere in a forest. He was lying on the ground, there were twigs digging into his back and he could feel leaves that were stuck to his sweaty palms, but he couldn’t remember how he got here. There must had been a battle, now that he was more focused he could smell gunpowder in the air. He had to open his eyes, had to determine how badly he was hurt. The pain was still seeping through every cell in his body, becoming one steady throb, so he couldn’t pinpoint exact location of his injuries without seeing them. 

 

Opening his eyes was an agonizing process. Since the last time he’d opened them his eyelids already managed to get glued together with tears and something else, something sticky, sweet-smelling and intoxicating. Blood? There was blood all over his face, he could feel it drying on his skin forming together with tears tracks down his temples and disappearing in his hair. Now that he thought about it, he could also feel blood around his mouth. In his mouth. He licked his chapped lips to get rid of the substance, then licked it again slower, tasting sweetness on his tongue. The pain in his body was fading, so he decided to risk moving his hand again. It wasn’t easy but after few attempts he was able to rise it up without crying in pain. He used his newfound mobility to reach to his eyes and began picking the dried blood out of his eyelashes. Soon he managed to pry his eyes open just a bit to get used to the brightness. 

 

The light was still hurting his eyes, but now he could discern his surroundings. He was in a forest, like he previously thought, but he wasn’t on the battlefield. There were no bodies, no traces of fight taking place here, the grass and leaves next to him were fresh and undisturbed. Someone must have moved him, that was the only possible explanation. And judging by the fact that he could still smell gunpowder they didn’t move him too far. He sat down carefully, examining his body for injuries. There weren’t any. His clothes were bloody and torn apart and there were holes in his jacket that looked like they were made by bullets, but he wasn’t injured. 

 

Only then he realized how clear and radiant all the colors around him were. It wasn’t the first time he saw that much blood, it wasn’t even second or third time. They were, after all, fighting in a war, there was blood and death all around them. But when he was looking at his soaked in blood clothes, his bloodstained hands, it was like he was seeing it anew. It was red, rich and beautiful with so many shades and tones intertwining together, it was like nothing he’d ever experienced. And the grass. He could see every little blade of grass with so much detail, he couldn’t believe it. Something happened to him. He didn’t know what and how, but he was different. He saw and felt everything more intensely than before, his senses were somehow enhanced, but how?

 

Before he could think about it any further he heard a small whimper coming from a few meters away. Curious, he turned around. There was a body lying in the grass not too far from him. He didn’t notice it before, too preoccupied with his own situation, but now the person was beginning to wake up. There was another whimper, followed by sound of rustling leaves and then the person screamed. It was the worst thing Alexander has ever heard. The scream was piercing through his skull, overwhelming and paralyzing him, it felt like his eardrums were about to break. He covered his ears with his hands to prevent the sound from drilling into his brain, but it wasn’t helping. As suddenly as it started the scream stopped and Alexander, finally able to think more clearly, realized that he knew that voice. 

 

‘John’ he thought, new wave of panic rushing through him. John was lying there and he was in pain, he needed to help him. He tried to get on his feet, but immediately fell down, his legs still too weak to carry his weight. Instead he began to drag himself towards John, digging his hands into the ground and grasping at nearby trees for leverage. It took him more time than he wanted and when he finally managed to get close enough to reach his friend, he was drained and his whole body was once again in agony. All of that disappeared when he saw the state John was in. John was barely conscious, moaning quietly, his eyes half lidded and face pale. There was blood all over his face and torso. His shirt was shredded, only few pieces of fabric keeping it from falling off completely. Underneath, his chest was almost entirely covered with bruises that were blending together and coloring his chest blue and purple. On top of that John’s torso was littered with deep cuts and he had a bullet wound in his side. 

 

Alexander could feel his eyes moisten with tears. There was no way John could survive so many injuries. The wounds weren’t bleeding as much as he expected them to, some of them were already starting to close, but he lost too much blood to pull through. They were in the middle of a forest, there was no doctor and no medical supplies. He was going to lose John and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

“Alex” One word said by John in shaky, almost too quiet to hear voice pulled him out of his thoughts. His friend seemed to finally notice he was there. His eyes opened a bit wider and he tried to smile but winced instead. “Everything hurts” he whispered.

 

Alexander bit back a sob that was threatening to spill out of his throat. Instead he put his hand in John’s hair, and began to comb through them gently, forcing himself to smile reassuringly. If John were himself he would immediately see through such an obvious lie. Alex was never a very good liar and John knew him too well to fall for it. But now John was barely keeping his eyes open and his breaths were irregular and short. Alexander could see how much effort it took for him to keep breathing. He tried to say something, but he couldn’t force words out of his throat. 

 

“John” he finally managed to say after clearing his throat, his voice hoarse from not using it for too long. “I’m here” He murmured, closing his other hand around John’s and trying to swallow down the tears. “Just keep your eyes on me and take deep breaths, you’ll be fine” He needed to do something. John was even paler now and his hand was ice cold. He would look like he was already dead if it wasn’t for his eyes that were still stubbornly gazing at Alex. Suddenly, his eyes widened, terrified expression appearing on his face.

 

“Your eyes. Blood.” John gasped, between heavy breaths. 

 

Alexander frowned, confused. He disentangled his hand gently from John’s hair to run it across his face. There were fresh tears on his cheeks. He couldn’t remember when he started to cry. He was about to assure John that it was nothing, he was fine and John will be fine, when he glanced at his hand. It was stained with fresh blood. He was bleeding from his eyes. What was happening?

Sound of someone walking through the forest brought his attention back to his surroundings. He whipped his head around, trying to reach for his sword at the same time. It wasn’t by his side, it was still lying in the spot where he woke up. The footsteps where getting closer and now he could see a silhouette of a person coming out of the trees. 

 

“Laf” he sighed, relief evident in his voice, when he recognized the Frenchman. “We need help, John is badly hurt.” Lafayette didn’t respond. He didn’t even seem to notice Alexander, as he walked past him to kneel on the other side of John’s body. 

 

John’s condition was getting even worse. He could no longer keep his eyes open and soft, almost inaudible whimpers where leaving his lips constantly. He must have sensed Lafayette’s presence, because he turned his head towards the Frenchman, whispering his name before breaking into coughing fit. Lafayette shushed him, his hand stroking down John’s forehead to his cheek. After a minute John’s cough had finally subsided and he calmed down. Lafayette sighed, his thumb still caressing John’s cheek, before looking at Alex for the first time since he’d arrived here. 

 

“He will be alright, _mon ami_. His wounds are already closing”

 

Alexander looked at him dumbfounded. “Laf, have you seen how badly he’s hurt? He needs a doctor immediately. We need to take him…” he was silenced by Lafayette’s index finger pressed to his lips.

 

“Alex, he will be alright” he repeated, looking him straight in the eye. There was something reassuring in Lafayette’s gaze, his brown eyes full of determination, but at the same time soft and caring, willing Alexander to believe him. “I’ll explain everything later, for now I just need you to trust me. Can you do that?” Alexander nodded his head slowly, eyes not leaving the Frenchmen. 

 

Lafayette turned back to John, rising his upper body and lying it down on his lap. John moaned in discomfort at too much movement, but Lafayette only shushed him again and cradled his head in one hand. John was now in half-sitting position. 

 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked. He didn’t like the thought of causing John even more pain and this manhandling certainly couldn’t be good for their friend’s injuries. 

 

“I’m going to give him more of my blood, so he can heal faster.” Lafayette responded, looking back at him, dead serious. Alexander could feel his mouth opening in shock. 

 

“What?!”

 

“ _Fais-moi confiance.”_

 

Trusting Lafayette, that was something Alexander agreed to just a moment ago without hesitation, now it seemed like a terrible idea. Logically, what Lafayette was  saying was insane, but there was small voice inside Alexander’s brain which was telling him that his friend knew what he was doing, that he wouldn’t hurt him or John. He was staring, stunned into silence, as the Frenchman bit into his wrist till he broke the skin. 

 

The smell of blood hit Alexander’s nostrils and suddenly he realized how hungry he was. All of his senses focusing at once on few small droplets that were already falling down Lafayette’s wrist. Before he knew what he was doing, he was reaching across John’s body, trying to get a taste. It turned out that Lafayette had already anticipated this move. Alex didn’t even had a chance to get close to his wrist, before Lafayette’s other hand shot out to his chest and stopped him. Alexander wanted to struggle, to get closer no matter what, but then he saw dangerous glint in his friend’s eyes and froze. All of his senses were telling him to fight against Lafayette, the smell of his blood so sweet and inviting. But those eyes were staring down at him, willing him to obey, to accept Lafayette’s authority. Alexander was never the one to back away from a fight, but he didn’t want to fight the Frenchman. He sighed, his whole body relaxing, and sat back on the ground, Lafayette’s hand still on his torso. 

 

“ _Très bien_ ” the Frenchman said, voice low. Why did he feel such an exhilaration from a simple praise? “John first, than you.”

 

Alexander watched fascinated as Lafayette turned back to John, and placed his still bleeding wrist between his parted lips. John, who was barely conscious through their exchange, suddenly came to life. His hand rised up to grab Lafayette’s wrist and pull it closer to his mouth. He was sinking his teeth into the flesh and drinking greedily. Alexander could see John’s wounds closing rapidly, bruises fading. 

 

“That’s enough, John” he heard Lafayette saying after a while, tone commanding, but it only made John grip his arm even tighter. “Enough” he repeated, pushing John’s head away from his wrist, and gently laying him back on the ground. “Sleep, you need to get your strength back.” 

 

He didn’t even need to say that, John’s eyes were already closed. He still looked pale, but all of his injuries were gone, and he finally looked peaceful. Except, that he wasn’t breathing. 

 

“Laf, he isn’t breathing” Alexander could feel panic rising back in him.

 

“He doesn’t need to breath anymore” said Lafayette casually. He was now licking at the drying blood and wound on his wrist and Alexander was trying really hard to focus on the matter at hand. “You don’t need to breath, either” he added, glancing up at him. 

 

Alex frowned, still not understanding what was going on. From the moment he woke up everything seemed so surreal. He could feel and see much more than ever before, his head was hurting from constant sensory overload. And the hunger inside him was growing stronger with every minute. 

 

Lafayette sighed and stood up, offering his hand to him. “Come on,  _mon lion_ , I’m afraid I was neglecting you, but I needed to take care of John first. You must be starving by now.”

 

Alex hesitated, looking down at John’s motionless body, lying on the ground.

 

“He won’t be awake for at least another hour.”

 

Alexander nodded and took offered hand, standing up and immediately hissed at the pain in his legs.

 

“ _Je suis désolé._ I didn’t give you enough blood before, that’s why you’re still in pain.” Lafayette pointed at the patch of fresh grass nearby. “Let’s sit down.”

 

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” Alexander asked as he sat, he’s legs stretched in front of him. 

 

“Drink first” said Lafayette, offering him the same wrist, he’d offered John earlier. There was no trace of the wound form before. Alexander was staring at it, mesmerized by the sight of thin, blue veins running underneath the skin. “You have to bite into it” The Frenchman added, small smile playing on his lips. 

 

Alex didn’t hesitate, his hands grabbing Lafayette’s forearm and bringing it closer to his face. Biting through the skin was surprisingly easy, his teeth feeling sharp like razors. And then he felt blood rushing into his mouth and he couldn’t think of anything else. Only thing existing for him was the sweet, intoxicating taste of liquid filling his mouth and running down his throat. He moaned as he felt warm pleasure spreading through his body, healing all his aches. 

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed, when, through the haze, he heard Lafayette’s voice calling his name, telling him to stop. He didn’t want to, the blood was too good, he wanted more, but the voice was so insistent, telling him to stop over and over again, slowly bringing him back to himself. He groaned miserably, before pulling away to lick stray droplets running down Lafayette’s forearm and then let go of his hand.

 

“ _B_ _on garçon_ ” Lafayette praised him again and Alexander was once more overwhelmed by the warm feeling in his chest that Lafayette’s approval gave him. That was definitely something new, probably connected to the whole drinking blood thing. 

 

“Why do you keep saying this?” he inquired, willing the blush on his cheeks to go away and keeping his gaze down, on his friend’s wrist. The wound was slowly closing right before his eyes. 

 

“Because praising you is the easiest way to control you” and as if sensing Alexander’s indignation he added “At least in the beginning, when your bloodlust is the strongest, you need to be controlled.”

 

“I don’t like being controlled” Alexander met Lafayette’s gaze, trying to keep anger that was slowly rising inside of him at bay. Something like regret appeared in his friend’s eyes for a moment, before he sighed, running one hand through his black, curly hair. 

" _Je le sais_ , Alexander. Believe me, I didn’t want this to happen, but you were dying!” Alexander’s eyes widened in surprise. “You don’t remember any of this, do you?” Alex shook his head silently, still trying to process this information. Lafayette grabbed his hand between his own two, before continuing. “There was a battle, we were fighting together. One minute you were there fighting alongside me and the next you were laying on the ground with bullets in your chest. I wasn’t prepared for this, Alex” he could see bloody tears gathering in the Frenchman’s eyes. “I didn’t want to lose you” Lafayette added quietly, before clenching his jaw and rising his voice again. “So I dragged you out of there and fed you my blood.”

 

“What about John?”

 

“ _J’ai entendu son cri_ ” he said, choking on the last word. It was terrible, seeing him struggling like that. Alex didn’t know what to do to help. He opted for putting his other hand, the one that wasn’t currently held hostage by the Frenchman, on the small of his back and running small, soothing circles with his thumb. It seemed to help, because Lafayette soon started again. “I… we… have very sensitive hearing. I’m usually tuning everything out as much as I can, but after I saw what happened to you” he paused and squeezed Alexander’s hand even tighter “I was listening for him, _merci mon Dieu_. When he screamed I run to him and brought him here. He was in even worst shape then you were and I was almost drained from giving my blood to you. So I gave him only a little, just enough to change him and keep him alive, and went for a hunt.” He hung his head. “It must have been awful to wake up all alone. _Je suis navré._ ”

 

Alexander felt his chest tightening  in response to grief in Lafayette’s voice. It was almost like he could feel his emotions, pain mixed with heartache from seeing his friends die, relief that they were still alive, fear that they won’t accept this, that they won’t accept him. He moved closer and hugged Lafayette’s back with one hand. 

 

“You don’t have to apologize” he assured “You saved me and John.”

 

“You don’t understand, Alex. I promised myself I’d never change anyone.”

 

“So why did you do it?”

 

“Because I couldn’t stand a thought of letting my friends die, not when I could help it.” Lafayette sounded angry with himself. Alexander rushed to calm him down. 

 

“It’s alright, I’m not mad at you. John won’t be either.”

 

Lafayette shook his head, strands of his hair flying loose from the ponytail. “Maybe not today, but ten years from now, twenty, once everyone around you will start to grow old and you won’t, you’ll hate me than.  _Vous serez_ _détèste moi_ .”

 

They both fell silent. Alexr was trying to process this new piece of information. Some part of him, deep down inside, already knew that he was immortal now, but actually hearing it was entirely different. Hi thoughts were interrupted when Lafayette began to speak again, his voice once again calm and steady. 

 

“ _Vampires_ ” he answered the unasked question. “That’s what my maker called us. We drink blood, we don’t eat and we are immortal.” 

 

“We can’t be killed?”

 

“We can, but only by fire and it’s still pretty difficult.” Lafayette turned his head towards Alexander, looking him up and down. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Different? Weird? It’s hard to describe.” It really was, even for a person who was as good with words as he was. So many sensations were hitting him all at once. His body didn’t change, but he felt like he was experiencing it for the first time. The annoying pain in his head was still there, still throbbing lightly underneath his skull, caused by different noises attacking him from every direction. He sighed. “Everything is too loud.”

 

Lafayette looked at him, considering. He let go of his hand and turned in Alexander’s half-hug to face him, then put his fingers on Alex’s temples and started massaging gently. His hands were pleasantly cold on Alexander’s warmed from all the blood he’d drunk skin. 

 

“Close your eyes and focus on my voice” he said, his voice low, almost like a whisper. “All this noise in your head will drive you insane, if you don’t learn how to mute it” he continued when Alexander complied. “Are you focusing on my voice?” Alexander nodded. “ _Bien_ ” 

 

A s hiver run down his spine and he lost all the focus. “Please stop it.”

 

“Stop what?” Lafayette’s tone was amused. Alexander opened his eyes and glared at his friend.

 

“Whatever you’re doing with your voice.”

 

“It’s called _compliment, mon petit._ You don’t have those in America?” he asked, feigning sympathy. 

 

Before Alexander could open his mouth to tell him, what he thought about certain Frenchmen pretending they don’t know what he’s talking about, he was shushed and told to close his eyes and focus once again. He growled in annoyance, but did as he was told. 

 

“Now try to listen only to my voice, ignore all the background noise.” As Lafayette kept talking Alex could hear him much more clearly with every passing moment. Everything was fading until all he could hear was his friend’s voice, guiding him, instructing how to silence the noises. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he felt much calmer and his head finally stopped hurting. 

 

“I think it’s working” he whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet. Lafayette hummed in agreement, his fingers slowly stilling on Alexander’s temples. 

 

“Open your eyes” he instructed. “Not too fast, let them get used to the light.”

 

Alex opened his eyes and saw Lafayette looking at him intensely. 

 

“Much better” he murmured, savoring the silence around him. Lafayette smiled softly.

 

“It’ll take some practice, but soon you’ll be able to mute the unnecessary noises and focus on what you want to hear.” His hands left Alexander’s temples and rested on his own knees. He opened his mouth to add something else when suddenly he froze, head tilting to the side, listening carefully.

 

“John is awake”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be more fluffy than the last one, but, apparently, I'm incapable of writing fluff. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Watching John wake up was even more painful for Alexander than experiencing it himself. He promised himself long time ago, early on in their friendship, that he would do whatever it took to protect John. And yet, here he was now, sitting powerless, while his friend was in agony.

 

He glanced at Lafayette, they were back to sitting on either side of John’s body, waiting, with the Frenchman whispering soft words of comfort to their friend. Lafayette looked up at him and shook his head silently. No, there was nothing they could do. John had to go through this on his own. His newly heightened senses were too raw to deal with any kind of stimuli. Any touch or louder word would hurt him more than help.

 

Alex could see that he wasn’t the only one affected by John’s state. Despite all of his efforts to stay calm, Lafayette wasn’t dealing very well with the sight of their friend suffering before him. Alexander could only imagine how he felt seeing him and John being close to death. The Frenchman promised himself he wouldn’t change anyone, but when it came to making a choice, he couldn’t bear thought of them dying. Thinking back to the moment when he saw John laying barely alive, remembering the pain that he felt when he knew John wouldn’t be able to make it, Alexander was sure that if he had a chance, he would do the same thing. He realized that, no matter what Lafayette thought, he could never blame him for changing them, could never hate him for doing what Alexander himself would do in his position. 

 

He could feel warm wave of affection towards his friend rising up in his body. Lafayette looked at him, startled. So they could feel each other emotions after all. He needed to ask the Frenchman about that, but it could wait. Now the most important thing was John. He smiled softly at Lafayette’s inquiring gaze and received happy, full of teeth grin in return. Was it his imagination or were Lafayette’s teeth much sharper than they should be? 

 

John must have been really confused when the first thing he saw, after opening his eyes, was Alexander and Lafayette grinning at each other like idiots. Or maybe he was too preoccupied with his own situation to notice. 

 

“Laf, Alex” he croaked, his voice still weak, than cleared his throat. “What happened?” he asked them, his eyes moving from one to the other. When they landed on Alexander, he finally seemed to remember something. “You were bleeding.”

 

Alex could feel laughter bubbling in his throat at his friend’s words. Before he even knew what he was doing he was giggling hysterically, all of the emotions he felt from the moment he woke up finally finding outlet. All of the stress and uncertainty leaving his body as he began to laugh even harder. 

 

John was looking at him like he had lost his mind, but it was okay. Because John was fine, Lafayette was with them and they were alright. The thought that John was concerned with him bleeding, when not so long ago he was close to dying was too absurd not to laugh about.

 

When he finally calmed down, Lafayette was helping John to sitting position. Apparently he already began explaining that Alexander wasn’t really insane and that John almost died, because John’s face was getting more and more confused with every second. He looked at Alex as if searching for confirmation that it really happened.

 

Alexander nodded. “And apparently we are immortal now.” He added before Lafa yette could say anything else. At his words John’s eyes widened and his lips parted slightly in shock. Lafayette shook his head, exasperated. 

 

“ _Dieu_ , no subtlety at all. _Tu es incroyable_ ” he sighed, gesturing at John’s flabbergasted expression. “I wanted to ease him into this.” Before Alex could get offended John’s hand landed on his knee, effectively stopping him. 

 

“As much as I’d love to hear you scream at Laf for the next half an hour, I’m not sure my super sensitive hearing can take it.” Lafayette snorted and Alexander looked at John apologetically, feeling sheepish. Inside he was already berating himself for forgetting that John’s senses were heightened now. John was dealing with these new sensations much better than he was, but that didn’t mean he was less affected. 

 

“I’m sorry” he said sincerely. John patted his leg in forgiveness, smiling brightly and looking at him with affection. “You know, Lafayette has some great techniques that can help with your sensitive hearing. They involve head massage.” Alexander said, observing as John’s smile widened even more. 

 

“Really?” he asked, trying but failing to sound serious. He glanced at Lafayette, his expression hopeful.

 

Lafayette rolled his eyes. “I take that back, you are both unbelievable” he sighed. “ _Oui_ , I’ll give you a head massage, but first you need more blood. You’re still too weak.” That made Alex frown. He didn’t remember how much of his blood Lafayette had given him, but it was probably a lot, and before that he was also feeding John. The Frenchman was already cold as ice and even paler than before. 

 

“Laf” he started, turning to his friend “you’ve already gave us a lot of your blood. Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

 

“I can manage, _mon petit_.” Lafayette responded, his eyes hardening and jaw clenching. Alexander huffed, annoyed. He tried to calm himself down, getting angry wouldn’t help in this situation. His friend clearly wanted to play role of a martyr, perhaps still feeling guilty over changing them. 

 

“No, you can’t.” He was almost cowed by the glare Lafayette sent him in return, full of authority and unspoken command to back down, but he stood his ground. From the corner of his eye he could see John looking more and more alarmed. “I don’t blame you for changing us, I’m sure John doesn’t blame you either” Quick look in his friend’s direction proved that he was indeed nodding in affirmative, his eyes shining with sincerity. “You don’t have to earn our forgiveness, Laf.” Alex finished and lowered his head, unable to stand Lafayette’s burning gaze anymore. 

 

After his last words they all fell into uncomfortable silence. Alexander could feel himself shaking slightly, he wasn’t sure why or when it started. There was a pressure on his leg, he looked down and saw John’s hand squeezing his tight painfully, fingernails digging into Alex’s skin. The silence was broken by sound of Lafayette clearing his throat. 

 

“Can… Can you give John some of yours?” he finally asked, voice soft and apologetic. Alex nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief. Hand on his tight finally relaxed.

 

“What do I have to do?” 

 

The Frenchman shuffled closer to where he and John were sitting, settling behind them.

 

“Just relax, it may hurt a little. I will tell you when to stop.”

 

Alexander pulled up his sleeve and offered his hand to John, who looked bewildered, like he couldn’t quite believe he was really doing this. 

 

“I don’t want to hurt you” he said reluctantly, eyes on Alex’s wrist.

 

“You won’t” Alexander assured, his voice much more confident than he really felt. He wanted to give John his blood, to help him get stronger, whether it would hurt or not wasn’t really important, he was used to the pain. But there was a part of him, deep down inside, that was refusing to show such a vulnerability. Letting someone bite into his skin, giving them his blood, it all felt too intimate for him. He breathed out slowly, reminding himself it was John, his closest friend. He trusted John with every other aspect of his life and John had never let him down, he could trust him with this new-found vulnerability too. John lifted his head, meeting Alex’s eyes, seeking last confirmation. Alexander swallowed and gave him short nod. 

 

There were teeth breaking his skin almost as soon as he gave his consent. He felt wave of pain running through his whole body and then heard John moan, squeezing his arm tight. After a while pain faded, reduced to light throbbing in his forearm. He felt out of focus, but it was oddly good feeling. All his senses were centered on the spot where John’s mouth were connected with his open wound. John was still drinking from him greedily, quiet noises of approval coming out of his mouth and Alex was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded. 

 

There was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Lafayette signaling him that it’s time to stop. Alexander nodded and began talking John quietly out of his haze, just like he remembered Lafayette doing to him. It turned out that John was much better at controlling his bloodlust than Alex, because it took him only few moments to get back to reality and let go of Alexander. 

 

“ _Je suis fière de toi, chéri”_ Lafayette said, nodding his head in approval, and John send pleased smile his way.

 

Alexander could see the Frenchman rising one eyebrow and sending him pointed look. Alex got the message. John was much better at controlling himself than he was and Lafayette was impressed with him. He suppressed the urge to stick his tongue out, instead opted for sending the Frenchman annoyed glare. 

 

They both turned to John, who was now looking much healthier than before. Slight blush, caused by all the blood he consumed, was gracing his cheeks and his eyes were shining brightly. He licked his lips, getting rid of all the remaining blood than frowned. Run his tongue again, this time across his teeth.

 

“I’m pretty sure my teeth weren’t that pointy before” he said at last, turning his questioning gaze to Lafayette. 

 

“Another perk of being _un vampire_ , I’m afraid. You know, to bite easier.” The Frenchman responded, before showing his own pointed teeth in a wide grin. Alex was right before, his teeth were unusually sharp. John nodded, still examining his fangs. 

 

“So, head massage?” John demanded after a moment, seemingly content with his new teeth. He shoot Lafayette innocent smile, two pointy fangs on display. Alex couldn't blame the Frenchman for agreeing right away. Nobody could refuse John when he was smiling like that.

 

“Your head still hurts, _chéri?_ ”

 

“Not really, but you promised me massage anyway” John responded, a little bit too smug for Alex's liking. The Frenchman raised one eyebrow in surprise, but complied. 

 

“Other perks I should know about? Besides being immortal?” Lafayette looked at John inquiringly, his fingers slowly massaging the other man's temples.

 

“You really don’t mind that?” he asked, observing John, searching for a lie. John sighed and lightly grabbed Lafayette's wrists with his hands, bringing them down. He placed their hands on his knees. 

 

“I don’t know, Laf.” They both could see Frenchman’s face fell, so he rushed to clarify. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you for anything, I’m glad I’m not dead. It’s just…” He run one hand through his hair, trying to find right words. “I can’t predict the future. Maybe one hundred years from now, I’ll hate the thought of being immortal, I’m not ruling this out. But you need to know that I’ll never blame you, okay?” Lafayette nodded. Alexander could see bloody tears pooling in his eyes. He still seemed to feel guilty, but John’s speech clearly reassured him at least a little. 

 

“Now that we have covered our feelings, can we go back to explaining?” Alex asked, tone teasing, trying to lighten up the mood. It seemed to work, Lafayette huffed indignant, but his face lightened up. 

 

“You know, in my times, we paid more respect to our makers.” He complained mockingly serious. That caught John’s attention.

 

“And when was that exactly?” He asked, curious. 

 

“A year before I’ve arrived in America. I was nineteen at the time. My maker…” Lafayette stopped, suddenly turning serious, and took deep breath to compose himself. Alexander realized it was the first breath he’d seen him take since he woke up. “I didn’t choose this.” He continued, regret clear in his voice. “But he had this weird notion about leaving some kind of legacy behind.”

 

“Legacy?” John repeated, not believing what he was hearing. Alexander was so focused on Lafayette’s tale he didn’t notice that in the meantime John had moved and was now almost sitting in Lafayette’s lap. His right hand was slowly running up and down their friend’s calf, while left was holding Lafayette’s hand tightly, fingers intertwined together. Alex marveled, not for the first time, at how much better and more natural his friend was at comforting people. When Alexander sat here, awkwardly wondering what to do, John already managed to find the best way to make the Frenchman feel better. 

 

Lafayette’s smile was full of irony. “Like his  _vampire_ child or something” he clarified, voice bitter. “I met him at a party in  _Paris._ He was one of those mysterious people everyone talked about, but no one really knew. People said he rarely left his home, so his presence at the party caused a real stir. I didn’t think much about it, when he asked me to talk to him privately. We went for a walk. One minute we were talking and the next I felt unimaginable pain. I passed out, when I woke up I was a  _vampire._ ”

 

“What happened to him?” John’s voice was calm, but Alex could see how deeply affected he was by the story.

 

“He killed himself few hours after that.” Alexander heard sharp intake of breath coming from John. His eyes had gone wide, shocked expression on his face. 

 

“He turned you against your will and left you?” he asked, outraged. 

 

“He told me what I was and what was going on. Probably shared some useful information, I’m not sure. I was confused and terrified, I didn’t pay much attention to what he was saying. I only remember that he was repeating over and over again how he had enough of living, how tired he was. He was talking until the sun began to rise. He said something about me being too young to be affected by the sunlight and that’s when I’d noticed burns appearing where sun touched his skin. Soon after he burst into flames and burned until there were only ashes left.” 

 

After Lafayette finished there was a long moment of silence. Both John and Alexander trying to process this information, unable to form words. Everything was much clearer now, Alex thought. Lafayette’s apprehension towards changing them. His conviction that they were going to hate him and this life. He wasn’t talking from his own experience, he was repeating words ingrained into his mind.

 

“What did you do?” Alexander asked. In response Lafayette laughed bitterly. 

 

“I stayed there the whole day, hiding in the shadows, afraid that sunlight will burn me too. I was almost mad with hunger and my whole body was in agony.” John let out a sob. There were red streaks of tears on his face and Alex realized his own cheeks were also wet. Lafayette shook his head, looking at both of them. He used their intertwined fingers to pull John fully into his lap. His other arm reached out for Alex and cradled him closer to his side. 

 

There was something wrong with the fact that Lafayette was the one consoling them, while simultaneously describing the worst day of his life, but neither him nor John had enough strength to protest. The combination of their feelings, tangled with Lafayette’s was too much to handle. 

 

“ _Ne t'inquiète pas, mes amis._ It all turned out alright.” 

 

“How did you survive?” John’s face was hidden in Lafayette’s shirt, his voice muffled.

 

“Rats.” Lafayette answered, wincing. “They were running all around me and I was starving. I caught one and drained it. Its blood was so disgusting that I almost vomited, but the hunger lessened. So I grabbed another and another, until I was strong enough to stand up.” He smirked. “And then I learned that human blood is much tastier.” 

 

“We have to kill people to survive?” John looked up, frowning.

 

“ _Non, chéri”_ Lafayette calmed him quickly. “We can drink just a little, enough to feed, but not enough for them to die, and then make them forget it had ever happened. Unfortunately, I had to learn that on my own.”

 

Alexander breathed  a sigh of relief and John visibly relaxed. They were both men of war, taking someone else’s life was inevitable during war, but killing innocent people to survive wasn’t something they were willing to do. With that said, Alexander didn’t blame Lafayette for killing for blood. He was left all alone, without anyone to guide him. Who knew what Alex would do if Lafayette decided to leave them without sharing his knowledge about who they were? 

 

As if sensing his uncertainty the Frenchman hugged him even tighter to his side. Alex tentatively rested his head on Lafayette’s shoulder, not sure what else to do. Those easy displays of affection had left him feeling awkward once again. The fact that his friends now seemed even more tactile than before, wasn’t helping. He glanced at John, who was still sitting on Lafayette’s lap, practically plastered to his front. John didn’t looked awkward at all, he looked like he belonged. Alexander loved his friend, more than he’d ever thought he could love anyone, but he’d always envied this ease with which John could get close to people. 

 

Alex could feel  Lafayette’s eyes piercing into the back of his head, but he didn’t want to rise his head and look back. Lafayette was trying to decipher the meaning of all those feelings that suddenly flooded Alexander. 

 

“Are you staying with us?” Alex asked, hoping that it would drag Frenchman’s attention away from him. He was right. 

 

“ _Je ne vous laisse pas, mon petit_ ” Lafayette responded. “I don’t know what will happen after the war, but I will always be there for both of you. As long as you want me.”

 

Oh yeah, Alex thought, they had war to win. And then he had to come home. Eliza was waiting for him there. She was expecting their child. How was she going to react when she’ll find out he wasn’t the same man she’d married? That he was immortal now. He felt guilt rising in his stomach at the thought of his wife. She loved him. She married him, despite the fact that he was a penniless orphan, that the only thing he could offer her were endless stories of future success and glory. And now she will be forced to spend the rest of her life with a dead man. She didn’t deserve that. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Eliza and now, no matter what he’d do, he’ll hurt her. 

 

“Have you ever told anyone about who you are?” Alex’s question caught attention of both men, who were now looking at him. He raised his head to meet their eyes. 

 

“ _Non_ , never. I was too afraid to see their reaction.” 

 

“You want to tell Eliza” John guessed, before he could voice his thoughts. Alex sighed.

 

“I have to tell her. I love her.” He looked at Lafayette, waiting for his replay. The Frenchman just shook his head, smiling warmly. 

 

“You don’t have to ask my permission, _mon petit lion_. If you think she should know then tell her.” 

 

“I don’t want her to hate me”

 

“She loves you.” Conviction in John’s voice was hard to argue with. “I’m sure she’d much rather see this new version of you, than your dead body.” John’s words made sense. Alex wanted to believe him more than anything, but there were so many doubts in his mind. John, seeing his hesitation, continued. “Alex, I know you. You can’t lie to her for the rest of your life together, it will destroy you. And what if she finds out on her own? She’ll never forgive you.” 

 

John was right. Of course he was right. He was saying what Alexander had already knew, but wasn’t ready to admit. He was lying to himself that he had a choice, but there really wasn’t one. He will tell Eliza everything and pray that she’ll understand or at least learn to accept it. Alex nodded his agreement and felt John hand clasping his shoulder in silent support. 

 

“And you will always be there for us?” Alexander turned his attention to Lafayette. 

 

“Even if we are separated by ocean, I’ll know when you need me and I will always come.” The Frenchman promised, his voice a little hoarse. John huffed small laugh, shaking his head at them. 

 

“You know, we are not saying goodbyes just yet. You really don’t need to be so gloomy.” Lafayette’s face lightened and Alex could feel small smile on his lips.

 

“But, dear John” The Frenchman gasped in mock indignation. “We are _créatures de la nuit_ after all. We need to keep our dark and brooding _façade_.”

 

“Your master told you that?” Alexander asked, rising one eyebrow.

 

“He didn’t have to tell me that, he was living it, _mon petit._ ” Lafayette grinned, putting his arms around his and John’s shoulders. “Now, _mes amis,_ I believe that we should rest for a bit. It’s getting dark and we are exhausted. We can find our way to the camp tomorrow.”

 

Lafayette stood up, looking around for perfect place to sleep. Finally, he settled for a spot right under an oak tree, on a huge patch of soft, green grass. He pulled thick, gray blanket out of his rucksack and laid it on the ground before laying in the middle. When he saw that Alex and John didn’t move from their spot, he gestured impatiently for them to lay down with him. 

 

John didn’t need to be asked twice. Before Alexander had time to react, John was already cuddled to Lafayette’s left side, the Frenchman’s arm around his waist. And now they both directed their eyes towards Alex, impatient to see him next to them. Alex took a deep breath then exhaled slowly and got up. He didn’t even have time to hover awkwardly, wondering where to lie down and what to do with his hands, because Lafayette was already manhandling him into a position. Before he could process what happened, he found himself laying on his stomach, his right arm and head on Lafayette’s chest. The Frenchman’s arm was holding him tightly, not living much room for movement. It was surprisingly comforting. He didn’t feel so secure in a long time. 

 

He could feel John placing his hand on the top of his and sighted contently. Lafayette’s chest was cold and unmoving, but somehow it didn’t alarm him. In contrast, John’s hand was hot from all the blood he’d drunk and Alex could feel the warm spreading down his arm. He heard a murmur, John’s voice saying something quietly, but he was too tired to discern the words. He was asleep a moment later. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I admit I'm having to much fun with the fact that all of them are saying word 'vampire' with French accent and will probably keep doing that for the next one or two hundred years xD 
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be a bit longer and finally introduce Eliza, but I didn't have much time to write recently. Sooo.. Eliza next week! Yay!
> 
> Enjoy!

Next few weeks were chaotic. Alexander had to reevaluate everything he knew about himself and what he was capable of. Soon after his change he discovered that not only were his senses heightened, but he was also much stronger, could move a lot faster than before and his reflexes were much quicker. All of this had proven to be pretty difficult to handle at first. For Alex at least.

 

John, on the other hand, had taken to his new abilities like a duck to water. His ability to control his enhanced powers and act like he was ordinary human was uncanny. Within a week, he was able to learn how to control his hearing and discern only noises he wanted to hear. He didn’t have a problem with appearing human, while he was around people, but the moment he was left alone with Alexander or Lafayette his  _vampire_ showed. The sudden change between human John and  _vampire_ John always shocked Alex, especially the fact that  _vampire_ John didn’t breathe. And yes, he was aware that they didn’t necessary need to breathe, but it was a habit and Alexander couldn’t imagine not doing it. John would stop breathing as soon as every human left the room and he did that so effortlessly that Alex could only admire him. Lafayette especially was astonished by his progress. He shared with them many tales of his successes and failures, while trying to control his abilities. It took him weeks to learn what John accomplished in few days. 

 

Meanwhile, Alex was still trying and failing to act normal around his army friends. So much that he almost preferred spending time alone and honing his human appearance, instead of socializing. His sudden change of preferences had a lot to do with the fact that his friends were already beginning to worry that something was wrong with him. It seemed like every time Alexander was around people, somehow he always managed to do something inhuman that was difficult to explain.

 

All of it was very amusing to John and Lafayette. Alex suspected that they were having too much fun with watching him fail at something so spectacularly. They knew how much of a perfectionist he was and how much he wanted to excel at everything he did. Lafayette even said that it would be good for him not to be the best at something once in his life. But it only made Alexander work harder to prove that he could do it. And he did. He wasn’t as good at controlling his new abilities as John was, but, after few weeks, he finally wasn’t afraid that he will give himself away around people.

 

Without a doubt, the hardest thing to control, for both Alex and John, was their bloodlust.  They were always hungry. Lafayette warned them that it will be difficult to satisfy the hunger, at least in the beginning. It should be easier with time, but for now they couldn’t let the hunger control their actions. It was difficult, especially because everywhere they went they were surrounded by people. Blood in their veins pumping loudly, so warm, so enticing. Luckily, no accidents occurred, but there was couple of close calls, only Lafayette’s commanding tone managing to stop them. 

 

They started going on nightly hunts through the woods, with the Frenchman teaching them how to follow scent of blood, how to know when they should stop drinking. Sometimes, they managed to find humans to feed on, mainly British soldiers wandering around the forest. But, most of the time, they had to feed on animals living in the woods. Alex hated animal blood. Maybe it wouldn’t be  so bad if he’d never tasted human blood before, but he had and animal blood couldn’t possibly compere. Human or animal there wasn’t enough blood in the forest to feed all three of them. They shared what they’d found, but still were starving most of the time. They refused, however, to drink even drop of a blood from their fellow soldiers. They knew how hard and demanding this war was for all of them and weren’t willing to put anyone at disadvantage. 

 

And then came the battle in Yorktown. Alexander knew that their victory would be  the beginning of something extraordinary, something that had never been done before, but also the end of their time together. He felt it was time for him to come home, he longed to see Eliza again, to see their child being born. As much as he wanted his best friends close by, he knew it wasn’t possible. Lafayette was heading back to France in few months, John was joining the fight in the South. They all had different plans for the future and needed to spend this first life fighting for what they believed in. 

 

“So when are we going to meet again?” John asked them one night. The battle was won. They were celebrating their victory, sitting around the fire and talking about plans for the future. It was late at night, other soldiers were either drunk and asleep next to the fire or went back to rest in their tents. They were the only ones still awake. Not long after their changing, they realized that they didn’t need as much sleep as before. In fact, they could go whole night without it and still be able to function normally the next day. 

 

Lafayette looked at John, than at Alex. “ _Je ne suis pas sûr_ ,  _mes amis._ I have to go back to  _France_ , I may not be able to return for some time.” The Frenchman looked torn. On one hand, his loyalty laid with his country, he dreamed of bringing freedom to France for so long, but on the other they were his friends. Alexander suspected that Lafayette still felt like he owed them something for changing them, like they were his responsibility. Alex send reassuring smile Lafayette’s way. 

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll have each other, we’ll be fine. You should go and do what you have to.” 

 

“I don’t like the thought of leaving you two on your own.” At Lafayette’s words John gasped, affronted. 

 

“You don’t trust us!” He said, putting one hand on his chest dramatically. “I mean, I understand why you don’t trust Alex” He smirked, pointing his head in Alexander’s direction. “But me?”

 

“Hey!” Alexander was indignant. “Take that back!” He was readying himself to pounce on John, to make him pay for what he said, but was stopped by Lafayette’s arms circling his waist. 

 

“ _Enfants._ Calm down.” He commanded, sending John, who looked very satisfied with himself, scolding look above Alex’s shoulder. Alexander had to try really hard to ignore him mouthing “I told you so” towards the Frenchman. John, seeing that, only smirked and patted Alex’s knee lightly. 

 

“Seriously though” John started again “You should go and do your thing. We’ll be here when you come back.” 

 

“Or you could come with me?” Lafayette grinned, eyes shining with excitement. As if predicting their protest he rushed to convince them. “It’s a good idea, _mes amis._ ” He turned to Alex first, grabbing his shoulder. "You’ve always wanted to visit the Old Continent, that’s all you ever talk about, financial systems and governments in Europe and how much you could learn from them. And I’m sure Eliza would love _France._ And you, John” he said facing the other man “could be much closer to your wife and finally meet you daughter.”

 

Alexander and John looked at each other. They didn’t need words to understand what the other one was thinking. They both loved Lafayette’s vision of their future life and how happy he seemed while spinning it before them. But it was all a dream, too good to be true. Besides, although the Frenchman loved America, he wasn’t as attached to this country as they were. He could easily leave and never look back. They couldn’t. They fought and bled for independence and now it was their responsibility to see this country rise to greatness. 

 

Lafayette could feel all of this through their bond. Their regret, because they couldn’t leave with him, their hope and determination to build this country. He understood. After all he was leaving for the same reasons. He nodded sadly, before pulling them closer to him. 

 

“Just remember, you don’t age. You can live among people you know without getting older only for so long, sooner or later you’ll have to stop and leave this life behind.” 

 

They knew that already. Alex thought a lot about his life as a  _vampire_ after he’ll return from the war. He was replaying in his head over and over again the conversation he’ll have with Eliza, every time coming up with different scenarios and reactions from his wife. He also thought about the fact that he was immortal and how careful he’d have to be so no one would get suspicious. Time, as always was against him. Even now, when he couldn’t die and should have all the time in the world to do the things he always imagined, it was against him. Soon, he’ll have to step into the shadows, remove himself from the life he now had. 

 

“How long do we have?” John inquired right before jumping on Alexander’s lap and throwing his hands around his neck, hugging so tight he almost choked Alex in the process. John attempts at comforting usually weren’t very subtle. In the last few weeks Alexander also noticed that they were more frequent, like John couldn’t stand seeing him or Lafayette being sad. Whenever Alex was feeling down, he could be sure that John was nearby, ready to smother him with kindness until he’d smile again. 

 

Lafayette shook his head. “John, he can’t breathe.”

 

“He doesn’t need to breathe” John responded, squeezing Alex even tighter. 

 

“Still, being able to would be nice” Alex gasped out, but didn’t push John away. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t really want to. As nice as breathing was, being held by John so tight was much nicer. Lafayette must have felt contentment practically pouring out of Alexander, because he didn’t say anything else. Instead opted for answering John’s previous question. 

 

“I think we can live for the next twenty or thirty years, if we are careful. People may believe that we are fifty and look so young, but definitely not sixty.” 

 

“Except for John, nobody will believe he’s older than thirty.” Alex teased, smirking lightly, before yelping when he was crushed under John’s whole weight landing on his body and pining him to the ground. 

 

“ _Mon Dieu,_ can you both act like adults for a minute? I’m beginning to feel like I’m your mother.” Lafayette sighed, exasperated. In response John settled more comfortably on Alex’s body, pillowing his head on the other man’s chest. 

 

“We are sleeping on Alex tonight.” He said lightly. Lafayette directed his gaze at Alexander and raised one eyebrow in question.

 

“Do we?”

 

“Sure.” Alex shrugged, or tried to shrug, but in his position it proved to be pretty difficult. “As soon as John takes his elbow from between my ribs.” He looked pointedly at his friend. John grumbled a little, but obediently shifted his arm. Lafayette laid next to them, snuggling close. 

 

“So when are you heading home?” He asked after few moments of silence, his accent thickening with sleepiness.

 

“I’m leaving in few days, John’s planning to head south next week.” Alex whispered in response, careful not to disturb John, who was already dozing off on his chest. Lafayette smiled sadly, before raising one hand to Alex’s head and running his fingers through his hair slowly.

 

“ _À la prochaine fois”_

 

“'Til we meet again”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments, opinions, ideas about this fic, so please tell me what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I've loved writing this chapter so much! I was smiling to myself like an idiot for at least half of it xD Hope you enjoy it.

“Alexander”

 

He didn’t realize how much he missed her until she was standing right before him. She was even more beautiful than before, full of happiness, radiant. Alex’s gaze wandered down and stopped at her belly, which was much bigger than the last time he saw her, clearly visible beneath her dress. Quickly, he took the last few steps that separated them and hugged her carefully. 

 

“My Betsy” he sighed, burying his face in her neck and inhaling. They stayed like this for a moment, Eliza’s hands settling on his back and tugging him closer. She was so warm and comfortable. Alexander, who, for the last few weeks, was cuddling only half-starving, stone cold _vampires_ relished in this warmth. Her scent was overwhelming his senses, so familiar and yet so new. She smelled like home, like safety, like he could finally let his guards down and rest. Eliza’s blood was singing to him, he felt it pulsing in her neck, but he didn’t feel hungry, he finally felt at peace. He didn’t want to let go. 

 

“I love you” he whispered into her neck, content to stay where he was. Eliza let out a small laugh before pulling Alex up to face her. She kissed his lips lightly, still smiling. 

 

“We’ve missed you” Eliza said, running her thumb up and down his cheek. 

 

“How is he?” Alexander asked, taking a step back to examine her belly. Slowly, hesitantly, he put on hand on it, than another, stroking gently. His hands were shaking, he noticed astonished. 

 

“He?” Eliza quirked one eyebrow, amused. “The baby is doing fine.” 

 

He wanted to reply, but in that moment he heard it. Inaudible to human ears, even he could barely hear it. Soft thud, repeating again and again, almost in sync with Eliza’s heartbeat. His child. 

 

“Alexander, everything’s alright?” His wife’s concerned voice brought him to reality. Alexander could feel bloody tears slowly gathering in his eyes and bowed his head down, so she wouldn’t see them. 

 

“I’m fine” he answered after a while, breathing deeply to keep his emotions under control. Eliza couldn’t find out like that, he needed to pull himself together. “Just a bit overwhelmed.” Alex blinked away the tears and looked up. His ears still tuned to the sound of his child’s heartbeat. 

 

“Wait ‘til you feel it kick” Eliza grinned. “Our kid is going to be pretty strong”

 

Alexander puffed out his chest, proud. “Of course he’s going to be strong. He’s our son.”

 

“What if it’s our daughter?”

 

“Then she’s going to be the second strongest woman I know.” Alex replied, smile playing on his lips.

 

“I see you were spending a lot of time with Lafayette” Eliza stated, clearly not as impressed as she was supposed to be. After seeing Alexander’s surprised expression she explained. “I’m pretty sure he invented the term flattery” 

 

“I was telling the truth!” 

 

“Of course you were, darling. I’ve never said you weren’t.” She patted his cheek patronizingly, looking too smug for Alex’s liking. Alexander let out an offended huff, but couldn’t help a grin that was already forming on his mouth. He kissed Eliza lovingly, trying to convey all of his affection towards her.

 

“I don’t really care if it’s a boy or a girl, you know” He said after their lips had parted, touching his forehead to Eliza’s. Eliza placed her hands on top of his, which were still resting on her belly. She sighed happily. 

 

“Me neither. Besides, we will have many more chances for girls and boys.” At her words Alexander could feel his heart clenching, smile faltering. No, they won’t. He won’t be able to give her more children. He was a _vampire_. Even though, according to Lafayette, _vampires_ could have sex, they weren’t able to produce children. They were dead, they couldn’t create life. Eliza always wanted a big family and he couldn’t give her even that. For a man who promised his wife so many things, he was doing a shitty job of keeping those promises, he thought bitterly. 

 

Eliza must have felt him tense, because she was pulling away from him, trying to assess what was wrong. He shook his head, silently telling her it was nothing before she could ask any questions.

 

“I’m sorry, Betsy. I think I’m more tired after my journey than I realized” He lied, trying not to show how guilty he felt about that. Eliza’s expression immediately changed to understanding, as she grabbed his hand to lead him upstairs, to their bedroom. 

 

“Of course you must be tired. Are you hungry as well? Do you want something to eat before sleep?” He shook his head mutely, heading straight to bed as they crossed the threshold. He laid down, still in his clothes and heavy boots, and buried his face in a pillow. Eliza hovered for a minute in the entrance and then, as if sensing that he wanted to be left alone, went back downstairs, closing the doors behind her quietly. 

 

But Alex wasn’t sleepy. There were million thoughts running through his head. He was trying to convince himself that Eliza would love him no matter what, even after he’d tell her what he had become. But now that he came back home, his doubts were growing with every passing minute. He should just tell her everything now, get it over with as soon as possible. But what if she reacts terribly? What if the shock of his revelation will hurt their baby? Alexander couldn’t add this to the growing list of reasons of her suffering. 

 

No, Eliza couldn’t find out what he was, not right now. He had to wait until their baby was born. He needed to hold it at least once, before she would deny him this right forever. How could he even began explaining to her what he was? That he didn’t need to eat or drink anymore, that the only thing he needed to survive was blood. Preferably human blood. Tell her that if he was really careful he wouldn’t kill anyone to get. How could he bear her disgust? Her rejection? Maybe even her fear? And even if she somehow accepted all of this, how could he live with himself knowing that he was the cause of her misery? That, because of him, the only dream she’d ever shared with him, of having big, happy family with lots of children, could never come true. 

 

Alexander didn’t know how long he’d laid like that, thoughts running through his mind. When Eliza entered their bedroom again, he still didn’t change position, laying on the top of the covers, face entirely hidden in the pillow. He tried to even out his breathing as she laid down next to him, slipping under her half of the duvet and reaching for nearby blanket to cover Alex with it.

 

Alexander focused on her warm body next to him, on her steady heartbeat and felt himself slowly dozing off. His last thought before falling asleep was how disappointed Eliza would have been if she’d knew that he lied to her today. 

 

*

 

He was a father. That was the only thought running through Alex’s mind as he looked down at his son, sleeping peacefully in his arms. He seemed so fragile and small. Alexander could barely feel his weight as he was holding him, swinging him gently from side to side. They were sitting on the chair in the bedroom. Eliza was fast asleep in the bed next to them. He couldn’t be happier. 

 

Alexander could hear his boy’s heart beating quietly, his light intakes of breath. He send the servants away content to just savor this moment, alone with his family. It was something he’d remember forever. 

 

His son. Looking at him Alex could feel pride swelling inside his chest. He thought back to everything he managed to accomplish through the years, to his many successes during the war and before that. But they all seemed insignificant now, in the face of his greatest accomplishment, the child in his arms. 

 

He felt a pang in his heart at the thought that it may be the last time he holds his son. Soon he’ll tell Eliza everything. He was so tired of lying. For the last three months he was telling himself that lying was the only way, that he couldn’t upset Eliza, while she was pregnant. But now this excuse no longer applied and he had to finally come clean about everything. 

 

Lying to Eliza was difficult. Not only because every lie he told her weighted on his conscience, but also because she was very perceptive. First two or three times he lied, she didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong, but then, week after he came back from the war, she began to look at him suspiciously. 

 

He tried to hide the fact that he didn’t need to eat and drink. One time he even decided to actually eat dinner, instead of just shuffling it around his plate and pretending. It tasted horrible. He instantly felt nauseous. What’s even worse, the few bites he forced himself to swallow, caused him to feel sick the whole night. Alex never tried eating again. Drinking was easier, but he didn’t get any pleasure from doing that either. Everything was tasteless and alcohol no longer affected him. Still, he continued drinking, just to keep up appearances. 

 

And then there was the issue of his nightly walks. He needed to feed every night to keep his human-like appearance, otherwise his skin would get cold and awfully pale. But it was getting more difficult every day. Coming up with excuses to leave when it got dark, returning hour or two later, his cheeks red and face flushed from drinking blood. Eliza thought he was having an affair. Alexander knew that and his heart was breaking every time he saw the look on her face after he came back home. Her expression was mix of hurt and disappointment, but she’d never said anything. Alexander almost wished she did. He wished that one day she’d get so upset that she’d finally scream at him, demand knowing the truth. Then he wouldn’t be able to lie. He’d have to tell her everything and wait for her reaction. But it’d never happened. 

 

Now he was sitting here, cold and hungry, since he didn’t have the heart to leave the house to feed, when Eliza was giving birth in the next room. None of it bothered him though. In this moment he was the happiest man alive. Well, he thought to himself, maybe not alive, but still living. 

 

Alex felt small movement in his arms that brought him back to reality. His son was slowly waking up. He looked in awe as the baby opened his eyes and looked at him. Small hands reaching towards Alexander’s face. 

 

“We should name him Philip.” He heard voice from the bed and looked up to see Eliza was already awake and smiling at both of them. She was looking tired, deep, dark circles appeared under her eyes, but otherwise healthy and happy.

 

Alexander nodded his head in agreement, eyes wandering back to the baby. 

 

“Philip is a good name” He agreed, letting the child hold his index finger in his surprisingly strong grip, “Do you like your name? Philip?” That’s when his son finally smiled at him and he was undone. 

 

*

 

“Eliza, we should talk” There, he said it. Now there was no going back, they will have this conversation. He’d been postponing it for too long. Their son was two weeks old today and Alexander knew that putting it off any longer would only hurt him and Eliza more. 

 

His wife was sitting on the sofa in the living room, sewing. When she heard Alex speak, she put down her work on nearby table and mentioned for him to sit down next to her, face serious. 

 

“I don’t want to know her name” She said coldly as soon as he sat down. Alexander looked at her, bewildered. Of course, he expected that. After all he let her believe that he was cheating on her, just so she wouldn’t find out the truth. But now, seeing her so cold and detached seemed much worse than her knowing the truth. Just now he fully realized how much his lies were hurting her and how selfish he was for the past few months. He was so scared of her rejection that he didn’t even consider how she was feeling. 

 

“I’m not cheating on you, Eliza”

 

Eliza frowned and shook her head. “I don’t want you to lie to me, Alexander” She said looking him straight in the eyes. “If you want to keep seeing that woman I can’t stop you. Just don’t lie to me.” Alex tried to place his hand on top of hers, but she quickly took it away before whispering. “I just thought that maybe after Philip was born you’ll stop, that your son will be more important to you than whoever you are sleeping with. I wish that we could be enough for you.” She hung her head in defeat, her voice breaking on the last word.

 

Tears were gathering in  Alexander’s eyes. Soon Eliza will notice the blood running down his face, but he didn’t care anymore. 

 

“Please, look at me” he said, wanting to reach out for her again, but stopping himself in the last moment.

 

Eliza did that. Her lips were set in a thin line, but Alex could see them trembling slightly, as she was trying hard not to break down and cry.  He made a mistake. He should have told her everything as soon as he’d arrived. It was stupid to think that lies will protect her, it turned out they made everything worse. Whatever the outcome of this conversation, he only had himself to blame. 

 

“I lied to you, it’s true. But I’ve never cheated on you.” Alexander tried to make his expression as open and honest as possible, willing her to believe him. “I didn’t want to tell you, because I wasn’t sure how you’ll react. I was trying to protect you and our baby” He was lying to her again, it was slowly becoming a habit. He sighed. “Actually, that’s not true. I didn’t want to tell you because I was afraid how you’ll react, that you would hate me. I’ve ruined everything. I’m so sorry” He was crying now, bloody tears were running down his cheeks and falling down, staining his trousers. 

 

Eliza gasped at the sight. Her eyes widening in shock as she saw blood on his face. 

 

“Alexander, what’s happening?” She reached to his face, but he gently grabbed her wrist before she could touch it, placing both of their hands on his lap. “Why are you bleeding?”

 

And just like that the something in him broke. Before he knew it, he was telling her everything.  Eliza was listening, mouth slightly open, her hand squeezing his tightly, until he finished explaining and leaned back heavily on the sofa, exhausted. Alexander tried not to look at the expression on his wife’s face. Content to close his eyes and savor last moments of peace before everything will change. 

 

The silence between them stretched for a long time. Eliza was trying to make sense of the things he told her. Alex could only imagine how she was feeling right now, her confusion and disbelief. But she wasn’t asking for any further proof. As for Alexander, he was still afraid to look at her, or to break the silence. He could feel his body tense more and more with every minute, the waiting was unbearable. Finally, Eliza stood up and moved to the window, looking at the garden outside, her back to Alexander. 

 

“You let me believe that you had an affair” she said, voice quiet and calm. “You thought it was better to lie to me than tell me the truth. Don’t deny it” she added, anticipating his protest. “All of those reasons are just excuses, you chose to keep me in the dark, because it was more convenient for you.”

 

Alexander didn’t try to deny it anymore. She was right. He didn’t want to admit it, even to himself. He wanted this life they had, he wanted to see his son being born, to stay with them as long as possible. If he told her the truth she would have left him, so he came up with reasons to lie. 

 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lied, it was selfish of me. But I was so afraid” he stopped as Eliza turned around to face him. She looked angry, her eyes were shining with barely contained fury. 

 

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” she drawled. Alexander was at loss of words. Nothing he could say would make this situation better. “Do you remember when you promised me you’ll come home safe?” Alex lowered his eyes to the floor. 

 

“I know you’re mad at me, because I am a _vampire_. I can’t apologize for that enough.”

 

Eliza’s bitter laugh, caused him to look up again.

 

“Of course I’m mad at you! But not because you are a _vampire_ or whatever you call it.”

 

He stared at her dumbfounded.

 

“Then why?”

 

“Because you promised not to get yourself killed and then you went and did just that! Thank God Lafayette has more sense than you! If it wasn’t for him, your child would be an orphan!” She was screaming at him now. But, despite that, Alexander felt relief washing over him. 

 

Suddenly everything made sense. How could he be so stupid? How could he doubt Eliza’s love for him? It was like John said, Eliza only wanted him to come home, she didn’t care if he was different, all that mattered was that he was still alive. 

 

“You don’t care that I’m a _vampire_?” Alexander knew he shouldn’t smile, given the fact that Eliza was still furious, but he couldn’t help it. It was like a heavy weight was lifted from his chest. He was living in fear of telling her the truth for so long, it was strange living without it. 

 

Alexander didn’t know what it was, maybe his question, something in his voice or simply the fact that he relaxed visibly, but somehow Eliza’s anger deflated. There was something akin to sympathy in her gaze now. She went back to sofa and sat next to him. 

 

“I told you before, I just want you to come home at the end of the day. If you becoming a _vampire_ was the only way to do that, I will accept it.” 

 

At her words Alex was tearing up again. If he kept this up he’d cry all the blood he drunk this evening. Eliza's eyes were tracing the way his bloody tears made, fascinated. He looked away, shame raising in him at the thought of how disgusting he must have looked to her. He’s name uttered quietly caused him to turn back and face is wife. Eliza smiled at him softly, putting both hands on his cheeks and wiping the tears away. 

 

“You don’t have to be ashamed, Alexander” 

 

“I’m not ashamed of being a _vampire_ , I’m ashamed that I’ve dragged you into this” Alex stood up abruptly and started pacing. His brain was working fast. He knew the best course of action was to disappear from Eliza's life, to let her be free of him. He was already coming up with a plan. “We could fake an accident. I already don’t have a pulse, it would be easy from me to pretend that I’m dead for few hours.” His speech was becoming faster and more chaotic as he was spinning his ideas before Eliza. “We can even bury me in the ground. Then I will escape somewhere, Europe maybe, and hide. Nobody will need to know. You would be a widow. Which you technically already are, because I died on that battlefield. You could find someone more suited for you and marry again. Philip will have a father he deserves, not someone like me”

 

“Alexander, stop” Eliza’s hard tone made him comply. She approached him, face determined, and grasped his head between her hands. “I thought you wanted to stay with us”

 

“I do” She interrupted Alex before he could continue. 

 

“So if we both want you to stay, why do you insist on making this so difficult?”

 

“Because you want children Eliza! And I can’t give you children anymore!” Alex shouted trying to take a step back, to escape his wife’s eyes looking into him, but her hold on him was strong. Or maybe he didn’t tried that hard after all, he was sure she couldn’t hold him if he really wanted to get away. Maybe some part of him was hoping that she’ll stop him. 

 

“Alexander…” she started saying.

 

“You already sacrificed enough for me. I can’t ask you to sacrifice this too” Even though he wanted too. He longed for her and their family with every fiber of his being. But it wasn’t the right thing to do, he couldn’t take away her dreams for his own selfish reasons, she’ll be much happier without him. 

 

Eliza’s hands wandered down the sides of his head and intertwined behind his neck as she pulled him closer. 

 

“You’re not asking me to sacrifice anything. I’m choosing this. So unless you want to give up on us and run away, we’re sticking together” Alexander sighed in defeat. He gave Eliza every chance to walk away from him and she still wanted to stay. He wasn’t strong enough to leave her by himself. He’ll stay as long as she wants him. 

 

“I love you” was the only reply he could muster before leaning in to kiss her. He was stopped midway by Eliza’s palm covering his lips. He looked at her surprised. 

 

“You really thought you’ll be forgiven that easily?” She asked rising one eyebrow at him. “After letting me believe you were cheating on me? Lying to me for months?” 

 

“But…” Alex tried to protest, his voice muffled by Eliza’s hand. She shook his head at him, grinning too widely for his liking. 

 

“You’ll be paying for this for a long time”

 

*

 

The news hit him in September.

 

Last eight months were the happiest of his life. His son was growing up quickly and Alexander could spend whole days talking or playing with him. He and Eliza would often take long walks through the Schuyler’s estate with their son, admiring changing seasons, talking about their past and future. Now that he no longer had to lie to his wife he could fully appreciate her company without fear that she’ll find out something was wrong. 

 

They were talking a lot about children. Eliza came to terms with the fact that they could never have another child much easier than Alex expected. Few days after his big revelation she was already thinking about ways to bring more children into their household. Taking in orphans to raise as their own children was one of her ideas and Alex was immediately taken with it. As an orphan himself the thought of adopting child, giving him home and loving family was amazing. He wanted to kiss Eliza the first time she brought up that idea. In fact he did just that. 

 

Living with his family he was becoming more human than  _vampire_ every day. He could only imagine how much John will laugh at him the next time they will see each other. Access to human blood was much easier now that he lived among people. He was no longer hungry all the time and, thanks to his nightly escapades, he was able to keep his skin warm throughout the days. He didn’t lose control of his instincts even once, a fact which he proudly announced in one of his letters to Lafayette. 

 

Between spending time with his family and hunting at night he also resumed studying law, hoping to open his own practice soon. The money that were collected for his journey to America and studies were slowly diminishing and he needed to start bringing new income quickly to be able to provide for his family. 

 

Alexander was in his office, studying, when the letter came. Eliza sneaked quietly into his study and left it on the table, trying no to disturb his reading. But the letter caught his attention immediately after he saw it. He didn't know why, he just knew that he needed to read it right now. He tried ignoring the feeling, going back to his book, but wasn't able to focus. At last, defeated, he reached to open it.

 

Suddenly, everything fell silent, as he read the letter, then read it again, not quiet believing the words.

 

John Laurens was dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I just couldn't resist the ending. But don't worry, everything will be explained in the next chapter. 
> 
> Chapter 4 and I still can't write fluff without angst. I blame it all on Alex, he overthinks stuff and bad things happen. Next chapter should be fluffier? Or the one after that... One day, this story will be pure fluff, I promise. 
> 
> I'd love to read what you think, so please review :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“But he can’t be really dead, can he? You said the three of you were immortal.” Eliza’s calm tone was in contrast with Alexander’s frantic pacing from one side of his study to the other.

 

“We are, but fire can still kill us, remember? That’s why you aren’t letting me go anywhere near our fireplace.” Alex tried to joke, but his heart wasn’t really in it. After initial shock wore off and he was able to think clearly, he realized it was highly unlikely that John was really dead. But he still was worried. After he said goodbye to his friends he was afraid he may never see them again, that their paths will part and never intertwine again. The thought that one of them could die had never crossed his mind.

 

“I should go there and find him” he decided, stopping in front of Eliza. His wife nodded.

 

“I knew you’d say that”

 

“Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

 

“To go look for someone that everyone considers dead without having any idea where he might be? Probably. But I know it won’t stop you.” Alexander was, once again, in awe of how amazing she was.

 

“What have I done to deserve you?” He raised her hand to his lips and placed light kiss on her knuckles. Eliza beamed at him.

 

“Just be sure to say goodbye to your son before you leave.” At her words Alex immediately jumped into action.

 

“I’m going to do this right now” he said, hurriedly planting another kiss, this time on Eliza’s forehead and leaving the room, while she still stood there, shaking her head at him.

 

*

 

Four days later he already knew the whole story behind John’s death and was heading to his place of burial. He expected to find the grave empty and John long gone, but still he had to be sure that his friend wasn’t laying there. That his death wasn’t real.

 

His grave, though, was all too real, when Alexander finally found it on one of the local plantations. Ground was still wearing traces of being recently moved. Weeds were only beginning to grow again in the soil. The grave was placed between two trees, small cross, made of two pieces of wood, sticking out of the ground. John’s name carved into the wood.

 

Alexander tied his horse to one of the trees before coming closer to inspect John’s grave. For a moment he was unable to do anything else, only stood there, staring at the place where his friend may or may not still be laying. Logically, he knew John should be okay. He was shot, not burned, a bullet wouldn’t be able to kill him. Still, he couldn’t stop the fear that was coiling around his body. It reminded him of that night, almost a year ago now, when he saw John laying on the ground, dying. He needed to find out the truth, but he couldn’t will his body to move, to start digging. It was stupid, he knew that, he was standing there terrified of something that wouldn’t happen.

 

Slowly, he started shuffling the dirt away, hands shaking. His pace quickened as he went deeper and deeper into the ground. The top layer of dirt was fresh between his fingers, easy to move, even without his strength, but as he went deeper the ground got harder, more difficult to dig. Despite that, pretty soon his fingernails were scraping on the wood of the coffin. Few more strokes and he cleaned the dirt, revealing the lid. The coffin was very simple, probably constructed in a hurry, walls were uneven and clumsily nailed together. It would be so easy to get out of. But the worrying thing was that there were no traces of someone breaking out.

 

Alexander reached for one of the planks on the top, which were nailed down to create the lid. His hands were dirty and badly scratched, fingernails broken and bloody. But he didn’t pay attention to that as his fingers finally found small crevice between the lid and the walls and fitted there, pulling at the top of the coffin with force. It yielded almost immediately and he was able to look inside.

 

He barely contained a scream at the sight before him. It was John. Although, it was difficult to reconcile this body laying in front of him with the John that Alex remembered. His skin was paper thin and almost see-through. It was wrapped tightly around his hollowed cheeks, around every bone in his body, making him look more like skeleton wrapped in a sheet, than a living being. His eyes were wide open, but pale and unmoving, sticking out visibly in his otherwise thin and deformed body. There was a gaping wound in his neck, probably from the bullet, that was impossible to miss. John’s body was completely dried, Alexander realized in horror.

 

After initial shock wore off Alex pulled himself together. Breaking down or crying wouldn’t do his friend any good. Alexander knew what he needed to do. He needed to give John his blood, as much as possible, so his body would be able to function again. He just hoped it wasn’t too late to bring John back.

 

Weird sense of _déjà vu_ washed over him as he once again found himself in situation where John needed his blood. This time, though, he wasn’t able to take it by himself. Alex needed to tear at his own wrist, ensuring the blood was running freely. He used his other hand to part John’s thin, dry lips before bringing his wrist closer to them.

 

The next minute was probably the longest in his life, as he waited, observing the crimson liquid flowing into John’s mouth, waiting for any kind of reaction. Then John’s Adam’s apple started moving, he was swallowing the blood. Soon, one of his bony, white hands raised up to grip Alex’s forearm with surprising strength. Alexander looked fascinated as his friend’s skin filled and regained color.

 

Until he realized that John drank too much.

 

Alex should stop him, he knew that, but he wasn’t strong enough anymore. He was so happy seeing John coming back to life that he didn’t pay attention to how much blood he was losing and now he couldn’t do anything. His friend was starving, he didn’t know when to let go. There were black spots dancing before his eyes and he could feel himself rapidly losing consciousness with every mouthful of blood John took from him. Soon he fell into darkness.

 

*

 

He woke up to John sitting beside him, gently running fingers through his hair, bringing him back to consciousness. John stopped drinking in time, Alex thought relieved. Of course he stopped. He was John after all. He had more control over his instincts than Alex had ever hoped to have. John wouldn’t hurt him, even in the state that he was in.

 

Alex blinked few times, adjusting his eyes, before taking good look at John. He was looking much better, strong and warm, just like he remembered. He sighed in relief.

 

“I was afraid I lost you” he said, propping himself on his elbows. His head was spinning from too much movement. John barked out a loud laugh.

 

“You were afraid?” he asked, raising his eyebrows high. “I woke up sucking out your blood with you laying unconscious next to me. How do you think I felt?” Alex looked down, embarrassed by his own lack of good judgment. He shouldn’t have lost focus while feeding John. He was supposed to control how much blood John took, not expect his friend to know when to stop. John sighed, hating seeing Alexander beat himself up over the accident. “Come here” he pulled Alex up and into his lap.

 

Alexander immediately clung to him, desperate to feel John again after nearly losing him for the second time. John's arms circled his shoulders, engulfing him in a cocoon of warmth. He rested his chin on top of Alex's head.

 

They stayed like this for a while, not saying a word, with John placing small kisses on Alexander's hair from time to time.

 

Alex was too comfortable to wonder about this change in their relationship. John, for all his octopus-like tendencies to hug and cuddle Alexander, never before tried kissing him. Not even friendly kisses on the cheek, which Lafayette was so fond of giving. But now it seemed like he couldn't stop himself. Alex knew it should feel weird, but somehow it didn't. It felt nice.

 

"What happened to you?" Alexander murmured, still not pulling back from their embrace. John let out unhappy groan in response.

 

"Promise not to laugh when I tell you?" he asked, burrowing his face even deeper in Alexander's hair, ashamed. Alex hummed in agreement, his interest immediately piqued by John's reluctance.

 

"I didn't have chance to drink much before the battle" Alexander frowned, pulling away to look at his friend.

 

"How long did you go without blood?" He asked plainly, knowing very well when John wasn't telling the whole truth.

 

"A week?" John said, his response hesitant, sounding more like a question. Seeing Alex's frown deepening he tried to smile at him innocently, but Alexander wasn't having any of it.

 

"A week" he repeated slowly, his tone calm. Inside, he was really struggling with himself not to let his anger show. All he wanted to do was shake some sense into John and scream at him for his stupidity.

 

"Not more than ten days, I promise" John assured him, oblivious to his internal struggle. Those last words tipped the scale and Alex's calm demeanor suddenly broke.

 

"You thought I'd laugh because you didn't feed in ten days?!" he shouted, pushing John away. "How could you think that starving yourself is amusing?!" Alex stood up, towering over still sitting John. All of his fury focused on his friend, as he stared down at him with murderous gaze.

 

John's eyes widened comically as soon as Alex started screaming. He saw Alexander angry many times since they'd become friends. At his men when they didn't follow orders, at higher ranked officers when they made stupid decisions, but never at John. John never gave him a reason to. Until now.

 

Alexander could see that John wanted to say something, but didn't give him a chance, not quite done with berating him yet.

 

"Let's laugh about that time I almost died, because I didn't drink enough and bled until I was completely dry when someone shot me! God help me, John! How could you be so stupid?!" Alex finished, dropping back on the ground, his anger completely drained.

 

John was now looking like deer caught in the headlights and Alex would laugh at his helpless expression if the situation wasn't so serious. Of the two of them John was always the more responsible one. The one who would bring Alexander something to eat when he stayed in his tent all day writing, who would bother Alex until he agreed to get some sleep. He hated how recklessly John behaved, even though, or maybe because of the fact that it was the exact same thing Alexander always did. He could tell that, after the initial confusion passed, John was thinking the same thing. 

 

"You are yelling at me, because I wasn't taking care of myself? _You?_ " John’s good humor from few minutes ago disappeared entirely, leaving him tight-lipped and cold.

 

Alexander huffed in annoyance. "I'm not the one who almost killed myself."

 

"Not this time" John added, glaring at him, but a moment later his expression softened. "I didn't do it on purpose, I swear. I was just so preoccupied with everything that was happening and finding blood was really difficult. And then there was a battle and I got shot. They must had hit the artery, because I started bleeding everywhere. Next thing I know I'm lying next to you sucking out your blood. I'm sorry I scared you" he finished, eyes looking hopefully at Alex.

 

Alexander wanted to stay mad at him, he really did, but deep down he knew he would have done the exact same thing in John's place. Staying mad at him would be a bit hypocritical. Alex exhaled softly and sent small smile John’s way.

 

“I guess we both should take better care of ourselves” he admitted finally. “That’s why you’re coming back with me to Albany”

 

“What? No!” John protested, shaking his head. “I have my life here!”

 

Alexander looked at him sadly. “I’m sorry, John, but not anymore. Everyone thinks you’re dead, that’s why I came here. I’ve received a letter saying that you died.”

 

He saw the moment painful realization dawned on John and it broke his heart. He couldn’t imagine what his friend was going through. Everyone he knew thought he was dead, his friends, family, he couldn’t see them or speak with them ever again. He lost everyone. He was sentenced to a life of hiding, always lying about his identity, fearing that someone would recognize him.

 

“Eliza knows about everything, she’ll be happy to have you as our guest for some time, until you figure out what to do” Alex added, voice soft. He put one hand on John’s, squeezing lightly, hoping that it would cause some kind of reaction from John, but it didn’t. John was sitting still, like a statue, looking straight ahead, his face image of complete despair. 

  


"Hey" Alex shook him lightly trying again to get his attention. "It's going to be alright, we will take care of you.”

  


At his words John snapped back to reality. "I really was stupid, wasn't I?" He asked, crestfallen, repeating Alex’s previous words. Alex did call him stupid in a fit of anger, but he sure as hell didn’t want John to actually agree with him about it.

  


“No, John, I was mad at you, I didn’t mean what I said” he rushed to reassure him, squeezing his hand once again. “You’re the bravest man I know. You decided to continue fighting when I went back home. You died for our country!” Alexander continued, seeing that John was listening to him.

  


“You died for our country too, you know” John replied, traces of smile appearing on his face. Alexander grinned at him in response.

  


“I know, Eliza won’t let me forget it” he said jokingly, but his face turned serious a moment later. “She would love to meet you. I told her so much about you. She knows about us being _vampires,_ so you wouldn’t have to hide. And you could meet my son, he’s amazing, you’ll love him. We’re moving to New York soon, you can buy house next to ours, we’ll give you fake name so no one will know it is you. Or we can...” Alex’s stream of words was stopped by John’s hand covering his mouth. He was trying to fake exasperation at Alexander’s inability to shut up, but wide smile spreading across his face was betraying the fact that he didn’t really mind.

  


“Alright, alright, I’ll stay with you, just stop talking” he teased and then chuckled as Alex let out a muffled cry of joy. “When do we leave?” John asked, at last removing the hand that was covering Alex’s mouth.

  


“As soon as we drink some blood, we are both pretty weak. Lafayette would kill us if he knew how irresponsible we were today.” At Alexander’s words John grimaced.

  


“He’s going to know how irresponsible I was. I’m sure somebody has already informed him about my death.”

  


Alex winced in sympathy. “He’s going to be mad, he’ll probably yell at you a lot more than I did”

  


John raised one eyebrow at him, smirking. “I didn’t know it was possible.” He yelped, when Alex swatted him on the shoulder in revenge.

  


Alexander knew that John won’t let himself be attacked without retaliation, still he was startled, when he suddenly found himself pinned to the ground. John was hovering above him with a triumphant look on his face, his wrists were held on both sides of his head in John’s strong grip. Alex wasn’t strong enough to get away.

  


John was observing his struggles for a while, getting more and more amused with very passing second. Finally, Alexander gave up and settled for staying on the ground, sending murderous glares John’s way.

  


“Are you ready to apologize yet?” John asked, grinning. Alex snorted and renewed his struggles, even though they were pointless, just to spite John. His friend wasn’t expecting that. Alex watched as his grin suddenly turned into expression of surprise, his eyes widened, when he lost balance and fell down, whole weight of his body landing on Alexander.

  


For a moment Alex was too startled to register what happened, all of the air was knocked out of his lungs on impact with John’s body. Then he realized their position and could feel himself blushing. Apparently, he thought, cursing the scarlet stains appearing on his cheeks, he still had some blood in his body after all.

  


Alex noticed how the air around them immediately shifted from playful to tense, the moment they realized how close they were to each other. John’s body was covering his almost head to toe, his hands still holding Alex’s wrists down. Their support was the only thing stopping John from fully resting on Alexander. But what made Alex blush was the fact that their faces were suddenly much closer to each other. So close that their noses were almost touching.

  


He looked up into John’s eyes, the intensity in them took his breath away. John was looking at him like he was in awe of Alexander, like Alexander was his whole world, eyes warm and big, pupils dilated. Alex had seen this look on John’s face before, never that intense, but it was there every time he looked at Alexander. They were so close to each other, it would be so easy to kiss him. Alex paused, startled by this idea. He’d never thought of kissing John before, but now that this thought crossed his mind, he couldn’t think about anything else.

  


John briefly looked down towards his lips, then back up again, meeting Alexander’s gaze. He must have seen how much Alex wanted this kiss, how his lips parted slightly in anticipation. And Alex was sure he wanted the same thing. Still he hesitated. Eyes, once again, wandering to his lips and back without doing anything.

  


Alex didn’t understand how John could stand so much tension and still keep himself in control. He was almost vibrating with need, pupils so wide that his eyes turned entirely black. And yet, he wasn’t doing anything, he was stopping himself and Alexander had no idea why. The waiting was killing him, even though only few seconds had passed.

  


John was always the one in control of his impulses, but he wasn’t. That was the last thought in Alexander’s head before he surged up, finally capturing John’s lips in a kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my characters are out of control. I didn't plan to end this chapter like that, it just sort of... happened? They are escaping! Send help!
> 
> It's european championship time so for the next few weeks chapters may be a bit shorter, since I'm spending most of my evenings watching football xD I'll still be posting chapters every Tuesday, though, so don't worry :)
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

There was a moment of awkward silence when they broke apart. They were both panting,  lips only inches apart. Neither one knew what to say.

  
  


John was now resting his whole body on Alex. At some point during their kiss his hands left Alexander’s wrists and wandered to his hair, pulling at the ribbon that was tying the strands together, his fingers tangled in them. Alexander, whose movements were pretty much restrained by his friend's weight, settled on placing his arms around John's back and holding him close.

  
  


As soon as John's lips left his, Alexander let his hands fall from John's back to the ground. He swallowed nervously, looking at his friend. John's expression was mirroring what Alex was feeling inside. Anxious, bewildered, not quiet understanding what had just happened. Any sexual tension that was building between them for the last few minutes and was then fueled by their kiss now completely gone in face of the realization of what they just did.

  
  


Now that Alexander could think clearly again he knew why John was hesitant to kiss him. Alexander was married. He loved his wife. Only few months ago he was repulsed that she could think he would cheat on her and now he kissed his best friend without even thinking about Eliza. John was more considerate of his marriage than he was. 

  
  


“I shouldn’t have done this, I’m sorry” Alex finally said, voice low and a bit hoarse. He was doing everything in his power to avoid John’s eyes, which proved to be difficult because of their closeness. John, seeing his apparent unease just shook his head, untangling his hands from Alex hair and getting off of him. He didn’t went far, sitting down cross-legged next to Alexander, his knees touching Alex’s side. 

  
  


“Alex, look at me” he asked gently and when Alexander refused, he reached to grab his chin, turning his head towards John. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, we both wanted it”

  
  


It was Alexander’s turn to sit up, John’s hand settling on his knee as he did. It really seemed that John was okay with their kiss. And, unlike Alex, he didn’t want to pull himself away from their closeness as soon as possible. On the contrary, he was trying to stay as close to Alexander as he could without making him uncomfortable. If it wasn’t for Alex's skittish behavior, he would probably still be draped all over him. 

  
  


“But we probably need to talk about it” John added, making Alexander groan.

  
  


“Do we have to?” he mumbled, ducking his head. He quickly looked back up, surprised, when John laughed loudly. “What?” Alexander asked, defensive, frowning at him. 

  
  


“Nothing, it’s just that I’ve never thought I’ll see the day when you wouldn’t want to talk about something” John explained, tone teasing. Alexander could feel his lips twitching lightly at that. 

  
  


“Is it going to be awkward?” he asked, defeated. John shrugged at him.

  
  


“I don’t see why it has to be awkward. We are best friends, Alex. We fought together, we died together. And now we kissed, it’s not that big of a deal”

  
  


Alex nodded, feeling suddenly relieved. “Yeah, and it all probably happened because of the adrenalin. I mean, you almost died again, I gave you a lot of my blood, that’s has to be the reason, right?” John hummed in agreement. Alex could swear that for a moment some strange expression crossed his face, but, before he had time to consider what it meant, John was smiling again. He must had imagined that. 

  
  


“Are you going to tell Eliza?” John asked, immediately turning serious. “I don’t think I can come live with your family if you don’t tell her. She should know and then decide if she still wants me there.”

  
  


“I learned my lesson about lying to Eliza” Alexander let out regretful sigh. “I just hope she’ll forgive me”

  
  


“I’m sure she will” John said, his lips widening in a grin. “You are too good a kisser to give up so easily” he added, looking all too pleased, when he saw Alex blushing. Alexander huffed at him, getting up. 

  
  


“Come on, we should get going” he grumbled, extending his hand to help John up and trying to ignore John’s smirk, blush still hot on his face. John was still laughing at him as they were climbing onto the horse. 

  
  


“You are cute when you blush” he added, sitting behind Alex and placing his hands around his waist. And Alexander’s blush deepened even more, because, apparently, they were calling each other cute now.

  
  


  
  


*

  
  


They were conspiring against him. How else could he explain the fact that for the third time this month they were locking themselves in his study and talking in hushed voices? More than that, as soon as Alexander was nearing John shushed Eliza, making it impossible for him to hear anything, even with his enhanced hearing. 

  
  


It shouldn’t really surprise Alexander, after a bumpy start the two of them became best friends almost instantly and he was their favorite subject of gossip. And by bumpy start he meant John blurting out that he and Alex had kissed somewhere between main course and dessert the day they had arrived. That evening ended with him having long conversation with his wife and John having even longer one afterwards. It was that conversation that began John’s and Eliza’s friendship. Alex had no idea what happened behind closed doors, but they emerged from the room with mutual affection for each other, that grow only deeper for the next months. Alex loved the fact that they could get along so well together, he only wished they didn’t hide something from him. 

  
  


And now they weren’t even trying to pretend that they were telling him everything. Did Alexander feel betrayed? A little bit. He tried to ask John and Eliza multiple times what was going on, but they weren’t saying anything. They had a secret, one that they clearly didn’t intend to share with him. 

  
  


“John, we still have Mr. Williams’ case to go through this evening. Maybe you should stop plotting with my wife and help me?” Alexander said from his place on the couch, voice raised slightly to make sure that John will hear him. “Not to mention that you practically threw me out of my own study and locked yourselves away” He murmured to himself, unhappily. 

  
  


“I’ll be there in a minute” he heard John’s response from upstairs and sighed. He hoped that it will really be only just a minute. He and John had a lot of work to do. 

  
  


Few weeks after they came back to Albany they started their own law  practice in New York, taking on cases separately or together, depending on their difficulty and prestige of a client. They were doing better than Alex had ever expected. So well, that after few months of hard work and a small loan they were able to buy two small houses right next to each other and moved to New York by the end of summer. 

  
  


Alexander couldn’t help but feel like he had everything he ever wanted in life. He was practicing law, just like he always wanted, not only that, he was working with his best friend, someone he could always rely on. His son was almost two years old and Alexander was pretty sure he was the smartest two-year-old ever. He was always curious, always asking questions about everything. He reminded Alex of himself when he was a little boy and he promised himself every day that he would be much better father than his own father was. 

  
  


Of course, when it came to raising Philip, Eliza was doing most of the job, with Alexander  being usually too busy to spare them more than an hour or two every day. Not only she was taking care of her son, she also took it upon herself to take care of Alex and John, no matter how many times they told her it was unnecessary. They were vampires they didn’t need much to survive, and they especially didn’t need being taken care of. But after one sharp glare from Eliza and a reminder of how John completely drained himself, they had to admit defeat. 

  
  


That feeling of security, of knowing there was a person or several people who will always have his back was new, but also very welcomed. He hadn’t had someone who would worry about him for so long, it was nice, and that’s why he didn’t protest too much about Eliza always reminding him to feed and to sleep once in a while. He secretly liked that there was someone in his life who worried about his wellbeing, who would be upset if he was hurt. 

  
  


He heard door upstairs opening and a moment later John was walking down the stairs, sly smile and cocked eyebrow, in other words looking like a man with a secret.

  
  


"What were you talking about?" Alex asked, trying to be nonchalant, but, judging by the smirk that was forming on John’s lips, failing miserably. 

  
  


"Your birthday party, of course. What else could we possibly talk about?" His friend replied shrugging and sitting next to him on the sofa. 

  
  


He was lying, Alexander was sure of that, they already planned his birthday party two weeks ago. Alex knew that, because he discovered their plans almost immediately. There wasn't a secret he couldn't uncover. Well, except for one. 

  
  


He shook his head, resigned. John wasn't going to tell him anything, trying to get him to tell the truth was a waste of time. Besides, they had job to do.

  
  


"We really should look through Mr. Williams' case" he said, pointing his chin in the direction of a table standing nearby, covered with papers.

  
  


"You know how Eliza hates it when you bring work home" John reminded him, standing up and heading towards alcohol cabinet. "I'm sure the case can wait until tomorrow." He reached for two glasses and a bottle of whisky, pouring two fingers of the liquid into each one of them. They weren't affected by alcohol anymore, but John still liked the habit. "We have something to celebrate today" he added before Alex could protest. 

  
  


"And what would that be?" Alex grumbled, irritated, but still took the glass that was handed to him. John grinned widely, standing in front of Alexander, almost giddy to share the news. Now Alex was curious. 

  
  


"I got a letter from Lafayette, he's going to visit us for your birthday"

  
  


The noise that left Alex's mouth at hearing the news most definitely wasn't a high pitched scream. He'll duel anyone who says otherwise. He did, however, jump into John's arms as soon as he processed what the other man had said, whisky spilling over both of them when he went for an enthusiastic hug. To John's credit he was prepared for that, arms already open, his glass standing safely on the table. His friend laughed loudly at seeing him so happy and hugged back. 

  
  


The sound of footsteps announced  Eliza’s presence.  She was standing in the doorway, studying the scene before her. She looked at John first, and there was a silent conversation between them that Alexander couldn't decipher, before shifting her gaze to Alex and grinning.  

  
  


"I heard someone screaming" she said, raising one questioning eyebrow at Alexander.

  
  


“Alex was very enthusiastic about the news” John cut in before Alexander could be indignant, instead he settled for sending John furious glare. He untangled himself from John embrace and headed towards Eliza, taking her into his arms.

  
  


“Lafayette is going to visit us for my birthday” He explained, gripping Eliza’s waist tightly and spinning her around. Eliza gave a surprised yelp and clang to his neck, but beamed at him as soon as Alex let her down. Alexander placed one sweet kiss on her neck, and then another, and another, until Eliza pulled away from him, laughing. 

  
  


“Alexander, stop it, John is still here” she reminded him, trying to sound stern. 

  
  


“Is he?” Alex raised his eyebrows in exaggerated surprise, before turning to John. “Why are you still here?” he asked, chuckling quietly when John pouted. He turned back to his wife, when he heard her horrified gasp. 

  
  


“Alexander!” she reprimanded him, outraged. “How can you say that to our guest?”

  
  


“Are you sure he’s still our guest, darling? He spends more time here than at his own house” Alex teased, eyes lightening up with mirth. The truth was he loved John being here, after all of the scares his best friend caused him over the last two years, he would much rather have him here, where he could make sure he was alright than anywhere else. But making fun of John was giving him too much joy to pass up. “Eliza, I believe that we should find our John a wife, so he may actually have a reason to stay home, instead of bothering us all the time” he laughed. 

  
  


Sudden thud of door slamming behind him caused him to stop abruptly and look towards the noise with confusion. John left, angrily closing the door on his way out. 

  
  


Alexander turned his questioning gaze to Eliza, who was still looking at the spot where John stood just few seconds ago, mix of sadness and compassion on her face. As if sensing that Alex was looking at her, she shifted his gaze, meeting his eyes. She furrowed her eyebrows at him and sighed.

  
  


“Alexander, for someone so smart you can be really stupid sometimes” she said, looking to the door and back to Alex, willing him to understand, but he had no idea what she was trying to say.

  
  


“I don’t understand” he admitted. Eliza shook her head at him.

  
  


“I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon” she said, turning around and heading towards the door. Alexander stopped her midway.

  
  


“Eliza, tell me. None of you is telling me anything. John is my best friend, I need to know what is going on with him” he pleaded, taking both of her hands into his. For a moment Eliza looked torn, like she wasn’t sure what to say to him, but then she pursed her lips, her expression changing to determination.

  
  


“John loves someone he knows he can’t have” she said finally, before kissing Alexander’s cheek and leaving the room. Alex stood dumbfounded for a second, trying to process this information. 

  
  


And suddenly everything made sense. Those strange expressions he sometimes saw crossing John’s face, this sadness mixed with longing that overcame John so many times. Alex always assumed that he missed his old life and wanted it back. And it probably was true, at least to some degree, but there was more than that. Those minuscule changes in John’s behavior since their kiss, changes that Alexander hadn’t noticed, not until he was looking for them. 

  
  


He felt pain somewhere deep in his heart at the thought of John hiding this from him, confiding in Eliza, the only other person who understood what was it like to love Alexander. And all this time, he didn’t suspect a thing, he really wasn’t as smart as he always thought. Now that he knew, he felt like he rather didn’t. Alex always thought knowledge was power, but right now he understood why some people considered ignorance a bliss. 

  
  


John Laurens was in love with him and Alexander didn’t know what to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, new angst, I'm officialy incapable of writing without angst so be warned. But I'm pretty sure the ending would be worth getting through all the angst? o.O
> 
> Your feedback always makes my day much better, so don't be shy :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Alex rarely avoided problems, usually he preferred to face them head on, often much louder than necessary, but this one he was purposefully ignoring. He knew it won’t go away, he’d have to talk to John eventually, but right now he had no idea what to say to him. How could he deal with John’s feelings when he didn’t know his own?

  
  


He knew John was his best friend, that he trusted him completely, he also knew that he really liked that one kiss they'd shared. Alexander didn’t want to admit it, but sometimes when he was close to John, when they were touching each other, he could feel the same kind of desire, as the one that pushed them together that day. But love? He didn’t know, he wasn’t going to admit it if he wasn’t sure, that would only hurt John. 

  
  


The truth was that all of this didn’t really matter. Alex was married and he loved his wife more than he’d ever imagined he could love someone. And even if there was a chance that he could feel something like this towards his best friend, he wasn’t going to ruin his marriage because of that. He wasn’t going to let his son grow up without a father because of that. 

  
  


“Alexander, are you alright? You’ve been staring at the same spot for a while now” Eliza’s voice brought him back to the present. Alex blinked, for a moment not sure where he was and what was going on. He needed to stop daydreaming like that. And now it was happening during dinner, it was beginning to get out of hand. 

  
  


“I’m fine, it’s just that my brain doesn’t want to shut up” he forced a smile towards her, probably not very convincing. Eliza sent him a look, letting him know she wasn’t fooled by his poorly maintained façade, before turning her attention to Philip and feeding him another spoonful of soup. Alex watched in amazement as his son accepted it without spitting all spilling everything all over Eliza, remembering last evening when he was the one feeding him. It was a lot messier affair and when Philip finally finished eating the food was everywhere, majority of it landing on Alexander himself. Philip must have been in good mood today. Alex refused to believe that his wife was much better at keeping their son in line than he was. 

  
  


“You are still thinking about what I’ve told you, aren’t you?” Eliza asked after she finished feeding Philip and put him down, letting him run off to his toys.

  
  


Alexander hung his head down. “Eliza, you know I love you…”

  
  


“Of course I do” she interrupted him, nodding lightly. Alex breathed out in relief. 

  
  


“And whether I feel something for John or not it doesn’t change that. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  
  


“You mean this life?” Eliza asked, quirking an eyebrow. Alex huffed, they talked about this so many times it was getting tiring. 

  
  


“I still don’t understand why you don’t want me to change you” he frowned, only now thinking of another possible reason for her reluctance. “Is it because you want me to be able to have another life? Life without you?” Eliza laughed at that, shaking her head. 

  
  


“I’m flattered that you think I could be that selfless” She denied, still amused, but turned serious few seconds later. “It’s not that I want to die to set you free or something, I promise. It’s just that I want to appreciate my life” seeing Alex’s confusion she continued. “I don’t want to offend you, Alexander, but I think that mortality helps us fully enjoy every moment of our lives. I don’t think you can fully appreciate now if you have forever” 

  
  


“So you think that because I became a _vampire_ I don’t appreciate what I have now?” Alex asked her, agitated, but quickly relaxed when Eliza put one of her hands on his.

  
  


“I think it’s different for you. I think you never knew how to enjoy now. The first conversation we had was about things you will do, remember? Not things you already accomplished, not what you are doing now, you were already thinking about the future. That’s why you love being a _vampire_ so much. You no longer have to worry about time running out, you know you have forever and you can look to the future as long as you want.”

  
  


“That’s why you don’t want me to change you?”

  
  


“Yes, for me it doesn’t matter how long I’ll live or how much I’ll accomplish. I just want to be able to die remembering the moments that count.” By the time she finished Alexander had tears in his eyes. Just the thought of Eliza dying was bringing him so much grief, he didn’t know how he’ll survive her actual death. Despite everything she said to convince him, he was now only more determined to change her mind. Eliza smiled at him warmly, seeing red tracks that were now running down his face. “Alexander, don’t worry about it, I’m still young, I’m going to live for a long time” 

  
  


“It doesn’t make it any better” Alex mumbled, trying to hide his face from Eliza’s gaze.

  
  


“Well, than you have to start living in a present and make every moment count” At her words Alex raised his eyes to meet hers, trying to convey all the emotions, all the love and adoration he felt for her. He wanted to make the words he was meaning to say as sincere as possible, wanted to make her believe in them. 

  
  


“For what it’s worth, those last two years with you and Philip, they counted. I’ll remember them forever.” It was Eliza’s turn to tear up at that. She smiled at him brightly through the tears filling her eyes. 

  
  


“I know you’d rather avoid that, but maybe you should talk to John” she said finally, after few moments of silence. “You should clear the air between the two of you before Lafayette arrives”

  
  


“John and I are going to be fine” Alex protested, slight edge of panic creeping into his voice.

  
  


“Are you sure? He wasn’t showing up here a lot this last week. It’s almost like he was avoiding you, like he was aware you realized he loved you and decided to hide from you.” Eliza was explaining patiently, as she sometimes did to Philip, sending him pointed looks with every sentence. 

  
  


“You ruined our heart to heart” Alex grumbled, but reluctantly stood up as Eliza's gaze didn’t waver.

  
  


“I think you and John need it more than we do right now” she said, shooing him away. 

  
  


“I’m going, I’m going” Alexander assured, placating her. “I’ll visit him right now” Eliza nodded at him, content, her eyes following him until he walked out of the door.

  
  


*

  
  


Alexander didn’t have to go far, John was living right next door. Of course there was still hope that he wasn’t home, but it was short lived, because as soon as he neared the house he saw light in the windows. It meant that John decided to eat alone, just like he did for the last week. Before he would eat dinner with them almost every day, unless there was something important he needed to do, he’d never gone that long without. Eliza was right, they weren’t fine and Alex needed to fix it. 

  
  


John Laurent - that was the really unimaginative name John was calling himself these days. He couldn’t be convinced to come up with something more creative, despite Alex’s numerous suggestions. Alexander suspected John wanted to keep it as close to his real name as possible, because it was too difficult to lose this last remnant of his old life. He lost so much already, it was hard to imagine how he was dealing with that. But he was. Much better than Alexander ever would, if they changed places. It wasn’t loss of his old life that broke John, Alex’s words did that. This thought made him feel even worse than before. 

  
  


He approached the front door and knocked, feeling butterflies waking up in his stomach. He should have thought it through more, plan for every possible outcome, he felt like he wasn’t prepared for the confrontation that was about to happen. Alexander knew that he needed to do it right, if he screwed this up it could damage their friendship forever. He wished Lafayette was here. 

  
  


The Frenchman was much better at mediating their disputes, helping them come to an understanding and force them to apologize. They were both too stubborn to do it on their own. Right now Lafayette wasn’t here and Alex was the one that had to man up and ask John for his forgiveness. He needed to stop being stubborn, leave his ego at the door and admit to John that it was his fault. No more waiting for John to do his job for him or for all of this to blow over. Alex needed to start talking to his friend, really talking, he needed to open up to him so John knew he cared. 

  
  


He spent too much time counting on Lafayette to act as their mediator, too much time counting on Eliza to help John come to terms with his feelings, too much time counting on John to make their friendship work. It was time for Alex to give something in return, to finally let John in. 

  
  


The door opened silently. John was standing on his doorstep, looking pale and worn out, like he didn’t feed and sleep for the whole week. When he saw Alex he frowned, his eyes darting down unconsciously.

  
  


“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice freezing Alexander to the bone. He was looking more inhuman than ever, losing all pretense of appearing as someone he wasn’t. His _vampire_ self only more enhanced by tiredness and lack of blood. 

  
  


It was a strangely mesmerizing look, Alexander had to admit. That didn’t stop, however, the urge that was rising inside him, the need to shove his wrist into John’s mouth and feed him his blood until John’s skin was looking pink and healthy again. But he couldn’t, not now. Alexander had to squash those instincts that were screaming at him to take care of John, he wasn’t welcomed to do that. 

  
  


“I wanted to talk to you” Alex managed to say after a prolonged moment of silence. John snarled, the noise reminding him more of a feral animal than his best friend. He could feel himself shaking.

  
  


“Don’t bother yourself. Just go home and tell Eliza that we had our conversation and everything is fine” Alex was able to stop the door shutting into his in the last second and open them wide again, despite John’s attempts to close them. It must have been his lucky day, because he even managed to get through the door and into the foyer, before John shut them for good. Either that or his best friend was getting weak. Alexander wasn’t complaining. Weak and feral John he could handle, it was the strong and feral combination that he was afraid of. 

  
  


He’d never seen John like this, so completely out of control. John as a  _vampire_ was calm and collected, elegant in his movements, his instincts always in check, even when he was young and starving. But this John was dangerous. There was a wild glint in his eyes that Alex didn’t like. He didn’t know what this new John was capable of and he sure as hell didn’t want to find out. 

  
  


“She didn’t send me here” it was a lie, but also something John needed to hear, Alex just hoped he won’t recognize it.

  
  


“Liar” John said through gritted teeth. So he did recognize it. Alex just made everything much worse.

  
  


“Alright, maybe she sent me, but I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to”

  
  


They were now standing opposite each other with John’s back facing the door, his face furious. “Get out of here, Alexander” he hissed, eyes burning into Alex. The hate he was feeling right now was evident in them, but under the surface Alexander could see something else, something that gave him hope. John didn’t really want him to leave, his eyes were pleading for him to stay. 

  
  


“No” Alex said sternly, eyebrows going up in challenge, as he felt new sense of confidence rising inside him.

  
  


“What do you mean no? Get out of here!”

  
  


“It means that I’m going to go sit in your living room and you can follow me when you are calm enough to talk” his instincts were yelling at him not to turn his back to John, but he ignored them. This was still his John, he knew that now. He was just angry and hurt. Alexander hurt him and now he needed to fix him. He headed to the living room, leaving John behind, expression of disbelief replacing anger on his friend’s face. 

  
  


*

  
  


Alexander didn’t have to wait long. He barely had time to sit down and take few deep breaths, which were supposed to calm him down, but didn’t help at all, before John walked into the room. He seemed a bit shocked that Alexander was still here and Alex couldn’t blame him. John knew he hated to talk about his feelings and probably expected him to flee at the first opportunity. But this was a conversation they needed to have and Alex wasn’t going anywhere.

  
  


“You wanted to talk?” John asked, sitting on the opposite side of the sofa, as far from Alexander as possible. There was still anger in his voice, but he seemed more like old John than before. Alexander sighed in relief and nodded in reply. “Then talk”

  
  


So that’s how it was going to be. John wasn’t going to make it any easier. “Why are you so angry with me?” Alex demanded. He regretted what he said as soon as it came out of his mouth. He wanted John to talk to him not to be even angrier. Really smooth, Alex, he berated himself, clenching his fists and waiting for John’s response. 

  
  


“I’m not angry with you” came John’s surprisingly calm response. He shook his head at the look of disbelief on Alex’s face. “Really. It’s just…” he stopped, trying to find the right words. ”Okay, maybe I’m angry with you, but not because of something you did, I’m angry with you because you are you” he stopped once again and lowered his gaze briefly before looking at Alexander again. “Eliza told you about my… situation?”

  
  


“That you are in love with me? Yes.” If John wanted to speak in code words Alex would let him, but he came here to be honest and that’s what he intended to do.

  
  


“I’m angry with you because you are the reason that those feelings exist, but it’s stupid because it’s not your fault, I shouldn’t be mad at you when I am the one who…” his voice cracked. “I’m so sorry, Alex. I know you think I’m disgusting, I don’t even know why you came here to see me”

  
  


“Darling, no” Alex denied, horrified. “You really believe I could ever think that you are disgusting? You know me better than that” he tried to sound soothing, but it wasn’t helping much. John laughed in response, loud, bitter laugh that was hurting Alexander somewhere deep inside. 

  
  


“Well, it’s not exactly a conventional situation. Can you blame me?”

  
  


“John, I kissed you”

  
  


“Yes! And then you went back to living your life and forgot about it” his tone got quieter as he went on. “I was the one who spend the next year being hung up on a kiss that didn’t mean anything. I spent a whole year loving a man who has wife and son, who is my best friend. You still think I’m not disgusting?” John was openly sobbing now and it was breaking Alex’s heart.

  
  


“John” he sighed, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. “Come here” he whispered, barely audible to human ears, opening his arms towards John. His friend looked at him, eyes widening in surprise, but didn’t move. Alex tried being patient, waiting for John to come to him. He had no idea why John was so surprised, why he hesitated. Was it really that rare for Alex to initiate hug? Or did John think he will never want to hug him again? 

  
  


Slowly, eyes searching Alexander’s for some sign of insincerity, John inched closer to him. Until, finally, he was close enough for Alex to close his arms around him, giving him the tightest hug he was capable of. 

  
  


“Stop saying things like that” he started quietly, lips close to John’s ear, as soon as he was sure that John was held securely in his arms. “I could never think that you are anything other than amazing, passionate and beautiful.” John was now shivering all over, quiet sobs wracking his body. Alex shushed him, running hands soothingly down his back. “You should have told me how you feel, John. Did you really think I could hate you for your feelings?” John didn’t have to say anything, Alex already knew that it was exactly what he’d thought and it hurt him deeply. But it wasn’t the time to think about the reason why his best friend didn't trust him with this. It was about convincing John he could trust Alex now. 

  
  


“What about your feelings?” John said, after he calmed down a little, voice weak, face hiding in Alex’s shirt. 

  
  


That was the question Alexander  was afraid of. He knew what John wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that Alex loved him, not that he would leave Eliza to be with John, they both cared about Eliza too much to even think about doing this to her, but that, even though they couldn’t be together, John’s feeling were returned. But Alex didn’t know what he felt and his silence was more telling than any words could ever be. 

  
  


“You don’t love me back” John stated, pulling away and looking straight at Alexander. Seeing that Alex wasn’t going to say anything, John sighed. “Of course, I expected that. But after talking to Eliza… For a moment I thought that maybe she was right”

  
  


“Right about what?”

  
  


“About you feeling the same for me” he said, trying to get away from their embrace. That only made Alex hold tighter.

  
  


“Don’t go” Alexander pleaded and John stilled in his arms, eyes on him, waiting for Alex to continue. “I'm so sorry, John, but the truth is I don’t know what I’m feeling. And I know it doesn’t make you feel any better, probably not knowing makes you feel worse than me rejecting you would, but I can’t do that. What I know is that you are very important to me and I don’t want to lose you.” 

  
  


John nodded. “You’ll never lose me” he assured, smiling softly. John was smiling again, that was good news. So why was Alexander feeling anxious all of the sudden? “I’ll always be your best friend, even if I’m not here.” Alex frowned, not quite understanding.

  
  


“What do you mean?” he asked, that uncomfortable feeling in his stomach getting stronger.

  
  


“I'm moving to France with Lafayette”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no Lafayette, sorry. I got involved in this whole John and Alex drama and couldn't get out, but he's gonna be in the next chapter, I promise :)
> 
> I'm pretty happy with this chapter, even though it was an emotional rollercoaster, hope you like it as well. 
> 
> I'd love your feedback :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

“Alex? Are you alright?” Alexander could hear John’s voice calling him, but it seemed to be coming from far away. John’s words were still running in his head, over and over again. He didn’t know what was going on. It wasn’t the first time he and John were going their separate ways, so why was he so affected by this all of the sudden? Why was he feeling this emptiness inside his chest? It was like someone reached inside his chest and stole a part of him. “Alex, please say something.” It was like someone took a part of his heart.

 

“Why?” he asked, voice low and pained and then, when he realized he was still holding John, moved abruptly away. John looked at him like a kicked puppy, but sighed and started speaking when it became clear that Alex was done with hugging him.

 

“I can’t live your life, Alex. This year, working with you, having you close, it was great, but it wasn’t something I want to do with my life. I need to find my own path”

 

“So you think that living with Lafayette will help you find your own path?” Alexander asked, his voice steadily rising as well as his anger at John’s explanation.

 

“I don’t know, maybe? I don’t have anyone here anymore, they all think I’m dead. Every day when I’m walking through the city I’m afraid that someone will recognize me and I won’t be able to explain why I’m still here. I just want to start anew”

 

“And that’s all?” Alex wanted to make sure. He couldn’t shake a suspicion that was growing inside of him. That there was a different or maybe a second as equally important reason for John’s desire to leave. And that it had something to do with Alex.

 

John hummed in agreement, but his eyes weren’t meeting Alexander’s. It was all it took. Suddenly Alex new exactly what was going on. He should have seen it as soon as John said he was leaving, it was too obvious to miss.

 

“Are you leaving because of me?” And there it was, that guilty look on John’s face, telling Alexander everything he needed to know. John didn’t even try to deny it, aware that Alex saw right through him. “How long were you planning it?”

 

John was still avoiding his eyes when he answered. “Few months. I was the one who asked him to visit us”

 

So he was plotting it in secret for a long time. “Did Eliza know?” Alex asked, barely containing his anger. John nodded, looking up at Alex apologetically. “Wonderful” he responded bitterly, not trying to hide how all of this hurt him.

 

He wanted to know what John and Eliza were hiding from him, what they were talking about behind closed doors, well, now he knew. John was moving to France and he kept it from Alex as long as he could. And his wife helped him do that. They were both lying to him for months. And not about something trivial like his birthday party, but about major change in all of their lives.

 

Alex would laugh at their hypocrisy if he wasn't so damn furious at both of them. Eliza who was mad at him because he didn't tell her he was a _vampire_ , John who couldn't stand lying to Eliza about their kiss, but didn't have a problem with lying to Alex.

 

“Alex…” John started saying, voice pleading, but Alexander interrupted him right away.

 

“When were you going to tell me?”

 

“What?”

 

“If I didn’t come here today, when would you tell me?” There was some kind of twisted pleasure in watching John squirm, as he tried to answer his question in a way that will cause the least damage. “Were you going to tell me that you received another letter from Lafayette and act all surprised? Like you didn’t plan it all along?”

 

John hung his head down, unable to answer. That was all Alexander needed to know. Suddenly, he didn’t feel angry anymore, he felt drained, like he lost all his strength and there was nothing left. He shouldn’t blame John for the loss of his perfect life, he knew that, it was unfair. It was probably all his fault anyway. If John had trusted him enough he would have told him. He shouldn’t blame Eliza for not telling him the truth either, he was the one who lied to her first. He shouldn’t be angry at anyone other than himself.

 

There was an unpleasant feeling rising in his stomach as he looked at John. Did he misinterpreted their friendship? John claimed he loved him, but shouldn’t love be built on trust? How could he consider Alexander his friend, or, let alone, love him if he didn’t trust him enough to talk about stuff like that? Was it possible that John never felt as strongly towards Alex as Alex felt towards him?  Maybe it was he, Alexander, who was a fool for trusting John too much?

 

John’s eyes were still down, he’s cheeks would be red with shame if he had enough blood left in his body to produce such a reaction. The overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over Alex’s body. He didn’t want John to feel bad about himself just because Alex imagined something that wasn’t there.

 

“I’m sorry” he sighed. John’s head immediately shot up at his words, he looked at Alex, eyebrows drawn in confusion. Alexander ignored his questioning gaze and continued. “I shouldn’t get so angry at you, you had every right not to tell me” John looked like with every word Alex said he was understanding even less.

 

“Alex, what are you talking about?” he asked, reaching for his hand. Alexander reacted immediately, standing up before John had a chance to touch him. For a moment he saw hurt flashing through John’s eyes, but it quickly disappeared.

 

“I have to go, Eliza is probably waiting for me. And you should feed soon, you look like you need it” he was aware that he was talking too quickly, using his _vampire_ speed instead of regular one, but all of the sudden he felt really anxious to get out of here. He couldn’t bare staying here any longer, he felt like he was suffocating in this house, under John’s gaze.

 

He almost run out of there, mumbling his goodbyes as he was leaving, not letting John see him out of the door. Of course John could have catch up to him anytime, if he wanted, but he seemed too baffled by Alexander’s change in behavior to do anything other than stand in shock, not sure what was going on.

 

Alex finally stopped, when he felt freezing, December air hitting his face. He took a deep breath, letting cold air into his lungs, than another, until he finally felt himself relax a bit. He needed to get his feelings under control, this whirlwind of emotions was dangerous for him and people around him. He could hurt someone in this state.

 

He lied to John when he said that Eliza was waiting for him, he knew she was asleep right now, fully expecting Alex to stay the night at John’s place, talking things over. Instead of going back home he headed the opposite way, letting the darkness of the streets encompass him, make him truly feel like the creature of the night that he now was.

 

Minutes passed as he made his way through the city, he could feel the change in his body. He was a hunter now, searching for his prey among the nearly abandoned streets of New York after midnight. His footsteps were inaudible, his senses heightened and perfectly adjusted to the darkness surrounding him. He was savoring the feeling of it all, the rush of power. Walking amongst his prey, unrecognized, aware that he was the one deciding about their fate. The feeling of blood pumping underneath their skin, knowledge that it all could be his if he wanted to. It was so good, why did he ever resist that?

 

Alex didn’t know how much time had passed, it could have been few minutes or few hours, before he found him. His feast for tonight. He smelled so sweet and delicious, too innocent to be roaming the streets at this hour, not suspecting what was going to happen to him. And yet there he was, and his blood was singing to Alex. Alexander was dimly aware of some part of him, buried deep inside his head, that was screaming at him, telling him to stop. Why should he do that? He was a _vampire_ , he was much better than all of them, why should he deny himself?

 

So he didn’t. He pounced at his victim, jumping from the shadows, not even giving a second to react. There was no scream, no sound, his hand on the boy’s mouth, muffling everything. Alex’s teeth broke the skin, quick and efficient, and there it was, the taste he was longing for, even better than he’d imagined. The voice in his head was even more insistent now, but it belonged to someone who wasn’t strong enough to stand up too him, Alex was too powerful to obey this weakling. He gripped the neck he was holding tighter, teeth sinking even deeper into the skin.

 

*

 

Alexander woke up, content, relaxed, sighing happily as he felt the familiar warmth of Eliza’s body next to him. It took him a moment to remember what happened yesterday, his visit to John’s house, their fight, John telling him he was moving to France. His helplessness, anger, rushing through the streets and then the overwhelming feeling of peace, the feeling of being one with himself, the rush of power. What had he done?

 

He sat down abruptly, feeling Eliza stir beside him at the sudden movement. Panic taking over his body as he remembered events from the night before. Image after image, each one more horrifying than the other. Did he really do it? Did he kill an innocent boy and throw his drained body into the river?

 

He felt a bile rising up in his throat, before he knew what happened, he was in one of the back alleys, throwing up, splashes of blood landing on his bare feet. Not for the first time he was grateful for his enhanced speed for allowing him to carry himself out of sight before he started vomiting blood. For the first time he was cursing his need for blood.

 

What happened to him that night? He’d never felt such a strong need to drink blood, to drain someone completely, even when he was young and starving. Why now?

 

He shuddered as the image of the man, the boy, he couldn’t have been more than twenty, entered his mind. An image of a boy that looked suspiciously like John. At that though Alex felt blood rising up in his throat once again and throw up for the second time.

 

He sat heavily on the ground, exhaustion and guilt weakening his body. He bit back tears that were trying to run down, he didn’t deserve to feel sorry for himself. He’d done something he promised himself he would never do, he killed someone. And not during war, when killing enemies was their duty, he killed someone innocent, almost a child, just to feed on them. How could he live with that?

 

One thing was certain, he couldn’t live alone with this knowledge. He needed to tell someone, John, Eliza, they will know how to help him. John was a master of self-control, he’ll be able to tell Alex what to do, how to avoid doing something like that in the future. He will never forget what he’d done, but it was time to prevent it from happening again. With this thought running around in his mind, keeping him sane despite everything that had happened, he headed back home.

 

He must have been gone for longer than he thought, the sun was already high in the sky as he opened the door. Immediately he felt John’s presence in the house. He and Eliza were once again in his study, talking quietly, but somehow still unaware of his presence. He could here every word they were saying.

 

“And how did he take it?” Eliza’s voice sounded worried.

 

“Surprisingly good, that’s what got me worried. It was like he was blaming himself for me not telling him. I’ve never seen him acting like that.”

 

Alex stood there, not moving a muscle, aware that even the smallest movement could betray his presence.

 

“Me neither. This can’t be good, John. You shouldn’t have told him like that, I should have been there with you.”

 

“I know, I know” John sounded pained, Alex could hear his footsteps as he was walking from one side of the room to the other, his hands probably pulling at his hair. “I shouldn’t have let him run out like that either, I’m so sorry, Eliza”

 

“It’s not only your fault. We both lied to him. We’ve made a mistake and we have” Eliza was interrupted by John shushing her. They knew he was here, but it didn’t really mattered to Alexander anymore.

 

What mattered was the memory that was now coming back afresh. The memory of how he felt, when he found out they lied to him. Why should he tell them anything? They sure as hell didn’t feel the need to share their private conversations with him. John he could understand, he misread their friendship, apparently they didn’t trust each other as much as he thought, but Eliza? She was so angry when he lied to her and yet, she did the exact same thing to him. If they felt content to hide important things about his life from him, then why shouldn’t he?

 

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs before Eliza appeared, anxious, face full of worry, with John following slightly behind her, as if he wasn’t sure he was still welcomed here. Alex let Eliza hug him, whisper soothing words of comfort into his ear, say she was so sorry time and time again. He let John’s worried glances wash over him, even allowed himself to send reassuring smile in response.

 

“I’m alright, Betsy, don’t worry about it” he said finally, putting stop to the stream of words that were leaving her mouth, and kissed her cheek gently.

 

Eliza frowned, not really believing him, but it was alright. Even if she knew he was lying to her, she couldn’t hold it against him. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I'm so sorry. This chapter wasn't supposed to turn out like that! I was close to tears, when I was writing the ending. Why am I doing this to you (myself)?
> 
> Anyway, Alex's not thinking very clearly during this chapter, so you have to forgive some of his thoughts and conclusions he's coming up with. He'll come around eventually. 
> 
> And because of all this angsty Alex, Lafayette still isn't here, but he's defenitely gonna come back in the next chapter and try to fix things.
> 
> Please don't hate me too much, guys. 
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I'm behind my schedule. I was supposed to post on Tuesday, but this week was so busy. Sorry :( 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Things seemed to get back to normal after that, but Alex new they weren’t really normal. He could feel worried glances that Eliza and John were sending his way. They weren’t sure what was going on, but knew that something was wrong, Alexander still kept his silence, and yes, maybe it was a bit childish and stubborn, but it also felt good. It felt like revenge, like payback for lying to him. Alex didn’t know why, but he was getting some twisted sense of satisfaction from it all.

  
  


It was only from time to time when he felt the guilt creeping in. They were both so kind to him, so apologetic. Trying to make up for what they did wrong with every word, every gesture. No matter how many times Alex assured them it wasn’t necessary, that he wasn’t mad at them, no matter how many times he lied.

  
  


Alexander wasn’t stupid, he knew he was spiraling. Every lie he told was leaving his lips much easier than the one before, guilt that came with them becoming much easier to swallow. And he was so angry. He quickly found out that anger was much easier to feel than guilt or sadness, much easier than the pain he felt at the thought of John and his betrayal. To make matters worse every time he saw John his mind was going back to that night, night when he killed someone, because he couldn’t control his instincts.

  
  


The first time he feed after that night, he was terrified. He knew he had to have some blood soon or things will get much worse, but he just couldn’t, he was too afraid his control will slip one more time and he will kill someone else. Finally, when his hunger was almost too much to bare he was forced to eat. And it was easy, as easy as every other time before, he knew exactly when to stop drinking, his mind was clear and fully his own. It didn’t change the fact that he was still afraid something like that could happen again.

  
  


And why did this boy have to look so much like John? It was making Alex’s already hard to discern feelings for John even more difficult. Now every time he saw John, he was remembering what he did, how much he enjoyed it, he couldn't look John straight in the eye anymore, too ashamed of his actions.

  
  


They days were moving slowly as he was waiting for Lafayette to finally arrive, to take John back with him to France, away from here. It was the only way to salvage this, whatever it was, he and John had. If only John went away for few years, then Alex would be able to bury the memories of that night deep inside himself, forget all about it. Seeing John every day, talking to him, he was constantly reminded of his failure, but with John gone he could heal again.

  
  


It was two days before his birthday when Lafayette came back. Alexander was at John's house for the first time since their fateful encounter few weeks ago, feeling uneasy and trying not to show it. John of course noticed he was uncomfortable, he knew Alex too well not to, and was doing everything to change that. It wasn't working.

  
  


They were going over on of their new cases, it was the only reason why Alex allowed himself be invited to John's house in the first place, the house that was reminding him of all his failures as much as John himself did.

  
  


He and John were in the middle of working through their line of defense, when sudden noise startled Alex. It was Lafayette stepping out of the shadows and clearing his throat. How long was he there?

  
  


He was wearing a very satisfied smirk on his face and looking like someone who couldn’t wait to gloat. Alexander tore his eyes away from him for a moment to look towards John, who stood there unfazed, grinning lightly. Alex was staring at both of them confused until Lafayette finally spoke, his smirk widening into smile.

  
  


“You should pay more attention to your surroundings, _mon petit_. I was standing in the shadows, waiting for you to notice me for few minutes now. John knew I was there right away.”

 

“What? No he didn’t!” Alexander looked at John, outraged. 

 

“I did” John affirmed, face solemn, before breaking into another grin. 

 

Alex sent him murderous glare. “Traitor” he whispered, mock serious, but inside he could feel his heart ache. He missed this banter with John, with Lafayette, that carefree atmosphere that they always had towards each other. Now that, for a moment, it was back it hurt even more to lose it again. 

 

He didn’t have a chance to think about it any further, because Lafayette was already walking towards him, arms open. As soon as he got into Alex’s personal space, he engulfed him in a hug, which Alexander returned earnestly, sighing at the feeling of calm that momentarily washed over him. Too soon the Frenchman was moving away, this time settling his hands on both sides of Alex’s face, kissing both of his cheeks and then moving to plant another two kisses on his forehead and nose.

 

“ _Mon petit lion”_ ” he greeted Alex fondly. “ _Je suis contente de te revoir_.” Lafayette added searching Alexander’s face. Alex had no idea what he was looking for, but his responding smile was only a little bit forced. It was easy to smile genuinely when Lafayette was finally here.

 

They stayed like this for a while before the Frenchman turned to give the same treatment to John. And there it was again, that pain inside his chest at the thought of what was before, what could have been still if Alex didn’t screw up so badly. No, if John didn’t screw up, he reminded himself, turning away and trying to look occupied with the papers.

 

It probably made Lafayette only more suspicious or maybe Alexander was projecting his emotions too loudly, because after short greeting with John the Frenchman’s gaze settled back on him. Alex could feel Lafayette's piercing eyes looking right through him.

 

"John, Alex and I are going to have a little _tête-à-tête_ right now, if you don't mind" he said, his gaze never leaving Alexander.

 

John hummed his agreement, sending Alex worried look, but Alexander couldn’t help but notice he also looked a bit relieved that Lafayette was going to talk with him. Alex on the other hand wasn’t relieved at all. Just the opposite, he could feel panic slowly rising inside him and Lafayette’s scrutiny was making it even worse.

 

The Frenchman wasn’t asking if they could talk, wasn’t even demanding it. In both of those instances Alexander would try to get out of this conversation, tell him he’s busy, postpone it for another time. No, Lafayette’s voice was hard, commanding, he wasn’t giving Alex any choice in that matter, they were going to talk whether he liked it or not.

 

Alex didn’t even notice when John left the room, but suddenly he was all alone with Lafayette, who looked like he knew exactly what Alex was doing during his absence. This was going to be fun.

 

*

 

"Who was it?" Lafayette asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence, when Alex was sitting straight on the couch, trying to look anywhere but at the Frenchman.

 

He frowned, feigning confusion, even though he knew perfectly well what his friend was talking about. "Who was what?"

 

Lafayette growled at him, reaching for his chin and pulling it up, more forceful then he ever was towards Alexander, causing Alex to look at him.

 

"Don't play dumb with me, Alexander, we both know you aren't dumb" he snarled. Alex was once again transfixed by his voice, by his eyes boring into him, commanding him to obey. He knew why Lafayette had this kind of effect on him, he was their maker, he could influence them if he wanted. But knowing someone had power over you didn't make it any easier to break the spell. Alex gave up quicker than he wanted to admit.

 

"I don't know" he whispered finally, relaxing his face, leaving it open for Lafayette to read. "I don't know what came over me. One minute I was myself, then this whole new person took over and I couldn't do anything to stop him."

 

Lafayette shook his head. "It wasn't a new person, it was you. The _vampire_ side of you, you let it have too much control over your actions, you should have never let it happen"

 

Alexander barked a bitter laugh, breaking out of his friend's grip. "I'm sorry for being such a disappointment, I'm sure John would never do something like that." Lafayette's eyes widened slightly when Alex mentioned John's name, like he just now noticed something new, something that shocked him.

 

"What happened between the two of you?" he asked, voice softening, his hand finding his way back to Alex's face, but this time settling gently over his cheek.

 

"He told me that he was in love with me."

 

"And?" Lafayette was less surprised by this revelation, than he should have been.

 

"And he lied."

 

"About being in love with you" Lafayette stated, rising one eyebrow at Alex, not quiet believing him.

 

Alexander nodded. "Among other things"

 

"Tell me everything" Lafayette said, opening his arms, inviting into a hug. Alexander agreed gratefully. With his face half-hidden in the Frenchman's neck he slowly explained everything that happened over the last year.

 

*

 

By the time Alex finished explaining everything his cheeks were red with shame and bloody tears that were falling down freely from his eyes. He was sobbing lightly into Lafayette, feeling embarrassed by his outburst, but not able to stop it. As for the Frenchman, he wasn’t saying much during Alexander’s story, mostly words of encouragement when Alex was stuck and didn’t know how to continue or questions when he wasn’t clear enough.

 

“I shouldn’t have left the two of you alone” was Lafayette’s first comment after Alex fell silent. “But I thought that you are smart, mature adults and can handle communicating and taking care of yourselves”

 

Alexander wanted to protest, to tell Lafayette that he was mature, thank you very much, but there was no strength in him anymore. And besides, sitting right where he was, in the Frenchman’s arms was much more preferable than arguing right now. He only mumbled few words of discontentment, but without much conviction.

 

“Don’t even try arguing with me, Alexander. Tomorrow morning I’m getting you idiots to sit down and talk to each other honestly.” He paused to pull back a bit and catch Alex’s gaze. “Especially you.”

 

That made Alexander mad. Did Lafayette really thought it was all Alexander’s fault? “I’m not the one who was lying and secretly planning to leave the country” he said, jaw tightening.

 

“Of course not. You are the one who came to wrong conclusions and instead of talking it through decided to let your emotions rule you. And then killed someone.” Alex shuddered at the reminder. If he thought that Lafayette was going to easily forgive him for what he’d done he was wrong, his friend’s voice was hard, eyes relentless. Alexander could feel anger rising in him. Who was he to judge him so harshly? It’s not like Lafayette never killed anyone to feed.

 

“Are you often this angry?” The Frenchman asked, apparently still reading his emotions.

 

“I’m not…” Alex was about to protest, but the frown that appeared on Lafayette’s face stopped him mid-sentence. He sighed resigned. Sooner or later the Frenchman will get the truth out of him, so why prolong the inevitable. “More and more often. I was never this angry, Laf, I don’t know what’s going on.”

 

“It’s much more difficult for us to control our emotions, especially when you already know what it’s like to really be a _vampire_ , to kill someone.” Lafayette responded, his posture softening at Alexander’s distress. “ _La vérité est_ it’s very admirable that you were able to stop yourself at killing only one person” Alex could feel the long forgotten hurt rising inside the Frenchman, as he was remembering something.

 

“And you?” he prompted.

 

“After I killed my first victim it took me weeks to stop. I kept telling myself it was the only way to survive, but deep down I knew it wasn’t true. I’d just liked too much that feeling of freedom that came with letting my _vampire_ loose. You know what I’m talking about, _non_?”

 

Alex nodded silently, the blush rising back to his cheeks.

 

“Don’t be ashamed, we all make mistakes, _mon petit._ But you managed to stop yourself from killing again, maybe other won’t understand how difficult it is, but, believe me, I do. _Tu as bien fait_.”

 

Alex let out a relieved breathe, allowing himself to bask in the praise for just a moment, before facing the reality of his situation once again. “What am I going to do now?” he asked, voice small and fragile. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else, but I’m afraid I will sometime. What did you do to stop?”

 

Instead of answering Lafayette pulled him back to his chest, letting Alex settled in his previous spot, where his tears had already dried on the Frenchman’s shirt, leaving behind irremovable stains.

 

“ _T'inquiète pas,_ I’ll help you get through this. _Je vous le promets._ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I wanted to post something this week and that's all I could manage. Next chapter probably on Friday, maybe a bit earlier. 
> 
> Let me know what you think :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

There was a sound of Eliza’s sharp intake of breath and then a deafening silence fell around the room. Alex was standing before them, eyes cast down, not daring to look at Eliza or John. He couldn’t bare to see the looks on their faces. 

  
  


Why Lafayette thought that telling them he killed someone was a good idea was beyond him. At least he didn’t force Alexander to do it himself, only to be in the room when it was happening. And it was already too much for him to handle. Absently, he recalled all the times he was forced to come clean about something over the last few years. It was getting harder and harder, his faults even greater every time he had to confess. What was going to be next?

  
  


Whatever was meant to be he couldn’t imagine it being worse than what was happening now. They were both still silent, only sound was Eliza’s loud exhale and the ragged breaths that followed. Like she was scared of what he’d done. Of him. He couldn’t wait anymore, he needed to look up.

  
  


Eliza’s eyes were wide in shock, her mouth opened in a shape resembling O. She looked at him like she couldn’t believe what Lafayette was saying and was waiting for Alex to deny everything. Alexander wished he could do that. If he thought he felt guilt before it was nothing compared to what he was feeling right now. Standing before her, seeing her eyes that begged him to say it wasn’t true. 

  
  


John’s face, on the other hand, was expressionless. He’d been observing Alex closely ever since Lafayette had started talking and still was. He wasn’t showing any signs of surprise, like he knew all along. Did Lafayette tell him sooner?

  
  


“I’m going to help him make sure nothing like this will ever happen again” Lafayette’s voice was coming to Alexander from afar, muted by the thoughts running through his head. “Now I think that Alex and John should talk. Eliza?” he said, looking at her questioningly, asking if it was okay. 

  
  


Eliza blinked few times before nodding. She was biting lightly at her lower lip, clearly worried, gaze moving from Alex to John. “Are you going to be alright?” she turned to Alexander, frowning, and Alex did everything in his power not to cry at how amazing she was. She’d just found out he drained someone and was worried if he could handle talking to John alone. Was there anything that could scare her away from him? If there was, Alex was certainly trying his best to find it. 

  
  


He nodded at her sharply, probably more confident than he really felt. “Can you wait up for me?” It was a simple question, but so full of meaning. They both understood it. He wasn’t only asking her not to go to sleep without him, he was asking her to be there for him, to help him get through this. And most importantly if she still wanted to be there, after everything she heard tonight, if she wasn’t scared of him. 

  
  


Alex didn’t have to wait long for the answer. “Of course” Eliza assured him quickly, her determined expression and steel in her eyes putting end to his doubts. She would be there.

  
  


She looked around the room once again, her gaze stopping on John for a moment, before giving Alexander quick kiss on the cheek and leaving the house. As soon as she was gone Alex exhaled loudly, feeling relief washing over him. Suddenly his legs were too weak to hold him anymore and he needed to sit down. It was okay, he and Eliza were going to be fine and that was the most important thing. 

  
  


But there were still two people in the room and both of them really wanted him to talk to John. Judging by look on John’s face he was unsure how to start, so, as it was happening more and more often, Lafayette had to help them. 

  
  


“John, how about you sit down?” John silently agreed, sitting down next to Alexander. “Now please explain this idiot that you trust him more than anyone ever and apologize for making him think otherwise.” And John did.

  
  


*

  
  


“So… France, huh?” Alex asked, feeling much more at ease than he thought would be possible around John after their big misunderstanding. But now it felt that the air between them was finally clear, thanks to Lafayette, who stayed with them, moderating their discussion. Apparently he was now under the impression, that they couldn’t be left alone dealing with important matters. He was gone now though, saying he needed to feed and leaving Alex and John. 

  
  


John laughed lightly at Alex’s words and the raised eyebrow that accompanied them. “You can’t imagine how exited I was when Laf said I could go live with him. The first thing I wanted to do was share it with you, but if I did I’d have to explain the rest too” John sighed, cuddling into Alex’s side, using the fact that their bodies got much closer during their previous conversation. “I know you always wanted to go” he added and Alexander hummed in agreement. 

  
  


“I still do, but I can’t right now” he put on of his hands around John’s shoulders. “Besides, you wanted to go to France to get away from me, remember?” John groaned in dismay, another string of apologies already on his lips. Alex shushed him. “You don’t have to apologize anymore, John. It’s okay, really, I’m not mad.”

  
  


“You could go” John started, lifting his head to look at Alex.

  
  


“John…”

  
  


“No, you could” he interrupted, before Alex could continue. “You could take Eliza and Philip with you, it would be good for them. I wouldn’t mind, you already know how I feel about you, nothing else to hide.”

  
  


Alex chuckled softly. “I think we already had this conversation when Lafayette wanted us to come with him.” He shook his head. “I know you feel that nothing is keeping you in America, but I still have life here.”

  
  


“So we’re going to part ways once again?” John mumbled, defeated, placing his head back on Alex shoulder.

  
  


“Just don’t force me to go looking for you once again, okay?” Alex asked, smiling when he felt John giggling into his shirt.

  
  


“Only when I’ll really miss you” he joked, giggling louder at the light shove he received in response. 

  
  


After that they sat in silence for a while, savoring the moment of peace between them. Finally they were able to enjoy each other’s company without any secrets keeping them apart, it wasn’t the case for a long time now. 

  
  


“Will you be alright?”

  
  


Alex nodded, before realizing John couldn’t see it. “I will, I have Eliza and Philip, we’ll all be fine.”

  
  


“What about your problem?”

  
  


“Lafayette said he’s going to teach me how to stop it next time it’ll happen. If it will happen. He said you two won’t leave until he’s sure I’m in control.”

  
  


“And everything he did today was a part of that process?” John asked, pointing his chin at the spot, where Alex and Lafayette had stood earlier.

  
  


“Yeah, something about clearing the air, so I won’t feel so many negative emotions.” Alexander responded and rolled his eyes, remembering the long lecture he got from the Frenchman about this earlier.

  
  


“Did it help?”

  
  


“Well, I’m still as negative as ever, but now you are here with me. So yes, I think it helped” he said, burrowing his head in John’s hair. He was lulled to sleep by steady breaths of the body next to him.

  
  


*

  
  


It was well after midnight when Alexander woke up again. For a moment he didn’t recognize his surroundings, for a moment he was afraid it happened again. He killed someone again. But then he heard John mumbling his displeasure at the sudden movement and exhaled slowly in relief. His panic momentarily fading, only to be replaced by guilt a few seconds later. He told Eliza to wait for him and now it was really late. He hoped she decided to go to sleep anyway, but, knowing her, she was probably waiting for him to come home. 

  
  


Alexander gently moved John off of him and onto the sofa, chuckling at his quiet disagreements about having to change his very comfortable, Alex-shaped pillow for one of the sofa's cushions. He lifted John's legs onto the sofa as well, before rearranging them in, what he thought, was the most comfortable position. There was no need to go looking for a blanket, they didn't feel cold anyway. 

  
  


Miraculously, not counting his few barely conscious protests, John managed to sleep through all of that. Alex shook his head, huffing in disbelief. And Lafayette said it was John who had better  _vampire_ instincts. Alex was pretty sure  _vampires_ shouldn't be able to sleep through anything. 

  
  


He quietly tip-toed out of John's house, closing the door behind him as gently as he could. Now he could see that there was still a light coming out of his window. He could feel smile forming on his face, Eliza was still waiting, just as he predicted. 

  
  


*

  
  


Eliza was waiting for him in their bedroom as he came upstairs. Sitting on the bed, already in her night gown, turning pages of one of his books. She looked up and beamed at him when he entered. Alex could see no judgment or contempt on her face. Not about how late it was nor the news she heard from Lafayette few hours ago. She moved a little to make more space for him as he sat down. 

  
  


“How was it?” she asked, putting her book down and turning fully towards Alex. He let his relief show up on his face. 

  
  


“Great” Alex responded, his sleep-fogged brain slowly waking up. “I mean it was painful and without Lafayette we would never manage, but at the end it was great. Me and John will be alright.” Alexander could feel his heart growing in his chest, when he saw Eliza's face after hearing the news. She was so genuinely happy for him, her eyes lighting up with joy, the widest smile he's ever seen stretching her mouth. Eliza didn't need to say anything, she knew her expression was enough to convey her happiness at the fact that he and John were on good terms again. 

  
  


“So is John staying?” she asked after a moment. Alex shook his head in response. “Are we going to France?” He shook his head again, before taking her hands into his an kissing her knuckles.

  
  


“No, we're staying right where we are. I think I've been neglecting you and Philip over the last few weeks, I intend to change that now.”

  
  


“And how are you going to do that?” Eliza asked clearly amused.

  
  


“By spending more time with you of course” she raised one eyebrow at him, prompting Alexander to continue. Alex could suddenly feel nervousness awaking in his stomach. Should he say it? He was thinking about this for a long time now, but what if she didn't want it anymore. What if she didn't want it with him? He could see Eliza frowning at his change in mood. “And maybe... I mean if you still want to...” he stuttered, silently cursing himself for it. “You said you wanted to adopt few children” he managed finally and fell silent, waiting for her reaction. There was none. 

  
  


“I mean, I can understand that you don't want it anymore, not after what you've heard today. It's okay, I don't want you to say yes because you feel like you should. It's just that you said you wanted more kids and I thought that maybe now was a good time to start thinking about it seriously. But it's totally fine, I understand.” And now he was rambling. Again. And there were tears in Eliza's eyes and... smile on her face? 

  
  


She was nodding her head vigorously, tears streaming down her face. “Of course I want to adopt children with you” she said, throwing herself into Alex's arms and knocking all the air out of his lungs. Alexander yelped in surprise, but embraced her tightly just a second later. They were going to be fine. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally things are getting happier around here! We'll see for how long...
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think!


End file.
